I've been making painfully short entries lately so I'm going to sit here and try to type for five minutes straight. I've probably mentioned this before, but we're going back up north to Lake Breeze Resort for the weekend. This time it'll probably be me, Dan, Kris, Scott, John, and Jay. Hopefully Kymm can come with so I'm not the only bun in this sausage-fest. And it's been a while since I've seen her. Hey, maybe Heidi can come too. I hope the road up there is decent enough to go rollerblading on, because I seriously need some exercise. I wonder if all my stomach troubles are stemming from my weight gain. I guess the suite/cabin/room thing we're getting has a fireplace and kitchenette and everything so it'll be pretty nice.

This entry is an exercise in banality. How to lighten it up?

Today is bill paying day. I will have about $80 left over to get me through the next two weeks. Fabulous. I shouldn't have paid so much on my Visa card. In fact, I think I won't. Damnit, I can't modify the payment. Oh well, maybe that's for the best. I've got to get this Playstation 2 paid off and quick.

I've got a million things to do today. I have to try and find a decent one-piece swimsuit and at least one pair of shorts so I don't die of heatstroke. I have to get cards for both graduating cousins and Jules' dad's wedding. I'd love to stick some cash in with the graduation cards but I'm so broke... I guess I could throw in $5 each so I don't look like a cheap-ass. Okay, so I'll still look like a cheap-ass, but it won't be as bad. Besides, $5 buys a lot of food in college.

It's only 3:27.

Coffee

Does Too Much Coffee Man actually have superhuman powers, other than having a giant cup on the top of his head? I think I drink way to much coffee and the only superpower I have is peeing every few minutes.

"Stand back, foe, lest I cover you in my copious urine!"

Whee!

I'm getting a little dizzy from this big, fat, Magnum 44 permanent marker. "DANGER: HARMFUL OR FATAL IF SWALLOWED, VAPOR HARMFUL. COMBUSTIBLE."

Where, oh where...

...can I find a decent Windows shell skinner that doesn't require a B.A. in computer programming? I guess I'm just too lazy to learn Litestep, which actually looks fairly uncomplicated, but I want a pretty desktop now. I've compromised by getting Panorama 32 and Chameleon Clock.

They play an awful lot of Rolling Stones on KQ.

Down with MNDOT!

I-494 Ramp Closure
The Minnesota Department of Transportation closed the ramp from southbound Interstate 35-W south to westbound I-494 Tuesday night.

...

As a detour, MnDOT is advising motorists to use westbound Highway 62 and then take Highway 100 south to I 494.

Are they fucking kidding me?

Places to eat up north

The Blue Max - Lavaque Road, Fredenburg township, Duluth.
Buena Vista - Central Entrance & Mesaba Ave, Duluth
Betty's Pies - Hwy 61, Two Harbors
21st Street Delight - Superior Ave. & 21st St., Duluth

Don't ask questions. Just go.

Back.

Wow, it's actually been a whole week since I last wrote. It's been a whole week since I've been at work. I'm not too happy about being back. Vacation was fabulous, though. Thursday we ate way too much at Buca. Friday we drank moderately at The Dubliner. I hope Alicia didn't think I was drunk when I called her from there. I was just returning her call and we got cut off. Oh well. Saturday we drove up to Duluth and traffic wasn't nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Everybody must have left on Friday. We stayed at this really nice place on Old 61 right off the shore of Lake Superior where we had our own little two-room kitchenette thing-o. Lurvely. The next night we stayed at Best Western Downtown and just slept. I think it was sun exhaustion. It's been several months since either of us were out in the sun. I came away with a little sunburn on my face, arms, and a strange patch on my hand.

We fished. A lot. I caught two northerns and Dan caught something but it let go before we could see what it was. We did the tourist thing and went to Gooseberry Falls, the zoo, and the aquarium. Surprisingly we only spent a little time in Canal Park this time. We came home yesterday and I spent the rest of the night playing Final Fantasy 4. And now I'm back here in my cubicle. *sigh*

Ergonomics schmergonomics.

I have a repetitive stress injury from working on a conveyor belt at a cookie factory. Maybe I should sue them.

It's going to be a long day.

I officially have one thing to do at work today, which is call a customer and tell him we're going to charge his credit card. After that I guess I'll download some stuff from Kazaa. Or something. I'm too tired for this. I took a sleeping pill last night so I could actually sleep the entire night through. I'm still just as tired as I've been all week. I wonder if this has something to do with this pain in my abdomen. All I know is I'm glad I have tomorrow and Friday off, but I'm not looking forward to my three appointments at the clinic. If someone mentions "barium enema" to me I'm going to run the other direction.

I don't want to go back and see that asshole contact lens technician. Well, maybe he'll be in a better mood. But if he continues to talk to me like I'm three years old I'm going to hit him. I'm hereby warning anyone who goes to the optical department at Park Nicollet in Burnsville, Minnesota to stay away from Ed Wink the Evil Contact Man.

Aww...

Little Ozzy Osbourne at age eight.

*deep sigh*

I'M REALLY BORED.

Bored enough to speak in all caps.

I should be working.

I used to loathe IRC and Internet chat in general. But I've been hanging around the Brunchma.com IRC channel a lot lately and it's growing on me. Probably because 99% of the people in there are literate. That's a huge bonus.

http://www.mninter.net/~jasetter/playlist.jpg

Tracks on the X-Files Soundtrack: Songs In The Key Of X

1. X Files Theme - Mark Snow
Classic. Creepy. What can I say? It's fine on TV, I just can't actually sit and listen to it on a CD.B-

2. Unmarked Helicopters - Soul Coughing
Oh yeah. This is quite catchy and speaks to the conspiracy theorist deep within all of our souls. It has classic M. Doughty Big Words and everything. A

3. On The Outside - Sheryl Crow
Amazing. Sheryl Crow makes a decent song. Though it's slow and dream-like, it's nonetheless enjoyable because, well, I can sing it. B+

4. Down In The Park - Foo Fighters
Yes! This is reason alone to buy this CD. This cover is a lot easier on the ears than the original Gary Numan version and that gawd-awful Marilyn Manson version. Fantastic guitars all around. Dave Grohl's voice isn't nearly as irritatingly high pitched as it is in most Foo Fighters songs. The only thing that is lacking a little bit is the drums. More specifically, the overuse of cymbals. Otherwise, this song is a creepy post-apocalyptic robots-taking-over-the-world fun-fest. Love it! A

5. Star Me Kitten - William S. Burroughs & R.E.M.
Make it stop. Please. Make this man go away. He's not even trying. The only reason to listen to this is for the entertainment factor of a slightly senile old man saying "fuck me kitten" over and over. D+

6. Red Right Hand - Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds
This song makes me want to do a stripper dance. It reminds me of Twin Peaks. I'm very curious to know what exactly this song was written about. What is his catastrophic plan? Hmm. A-

7. Thanks Bro - Filter
Boring. Very, very boring. It does have some humor value to the facetious "way to go, bro," which is why it doesn't get a full D.C-

8. Man Of Steel - Frank Black
A very middle of the road song. I can listen to it, but it doesn't grab me like other songs on this CD. Frank Black can sound a lot like David Bowie when he wants to. It's got what can only be described as "cute" guitars. The ending leaves much to be desired. C+

9. Unexplained - Meat Puppets
Yay for the Meat Puppets! I can't say enough about the vocals in this band. This is one of those songs that can be listened to over and over again. It's fun with a twinge of philiosophy. Disturbing, but very, verry pretty. A

10. Deep - Danzig
When I bought this CD (a million years ago) I was expecting a lot more out of Danzig. Instead I got nasal whining. Disappointed! D

11. Frenzy - Screamin' Jay Hawkins
No. No, no, no, no, no. D-

12. My Dark Half - Elvis Costello with Brian Eno
I don't usually have anything good to say about slow Elvis Costello songs, but this one is different somehow. Probably because it's got that creepy X-Files vibe to it. It's six minutes and 20 seconds of scratching your head and wondering why this song is so... good. B

13. Hands Of Death (Burn Baby Burn) - Rob Zombie/Alice Cooper
These two should do entire albums together. This is fantastic. Alice Cooper's voice meshes perfectly with Rob Zombie's music and vocals In all actuality, this song belongs more on the Crow soundtrack than the X-Files, but taken by itself it's a thing of industrial beauty. A

14. If You Never Say Goodbye - P.M. Dawn
This is altylicious. The lyrics are a bit whiny, which is to be expected, but the flangy goodness and nifty lyrics make up for it. C+

15. X Files Theme - P.M. Dawn Remix
I'm not big on remixes, but I know a good one when I hear it. This, however, is not a good one. I give it a D+ for effort.

An open note to Natalie Merchant

You don't have soul, so just stop it. You are a boring, monotone New Yorker. For the love of Bob, just quit it.

Bad dreams.

I had all kinds of bad dreams last night. Something about a horrible wedding and needing a liver transplant. Ugh.

Beg pardon?

Jail Sentence Too Much for Load of Old Balls

It will be a good week.

We are going out to dinner with Dan's family and possibly mine on Thursday at the downtown Buca. Friday we are spending the evening with friends. Saturday morning we are driving to Duluth and coming back Monday. It will be a good week.

Interesting weekend.

I spent the weekend working the Art-A-Whirl at Jules' and Robin's little boutique room thing. I sold some of my merchandise and did a bunch of henna tattoos. I also gave away more than 30 business cards, which makes me really, really happy. Jules and Robin are going to see if I can also rent out part of that room. Yay! Finally, a place where I can take private appointments!

ORGASMIC BEAVER!

http://www.snopes2.com/rumors/images/beaver.jpg

I knew it! I knew it!

These jet-generated clouds, called contrails, may in turn play an important role in shaping our weather.

Help me, I'm addicted to Triscuits and hummus.

BWA HA HA!

The Mighty Midols

Qwest is Satan.

Argh.

This is really, really disturbing

At MIT, they can put words in our mouths

ACK!

Report: Players may strike in August

Union, owners are far apart in forging new bargaining deal

You have GOT to be kidding me. What in the hell could they possibly be whining about this time?

Health Insurance: Minnesota had the lowest average [player salary] at $601,680. So $601K can't buy independent health insurance?

Retirement: So $601K can't buy a decent IRA?

Job Safety: What do they want, full football padding? And once again, $601K can't buy independent health insurance?

Gah.

Kawaii!

I am using the purtyest wallpaper on my desktop (wallpaper on my desktop?). Pretty pretty pretty!

Sometimes I feel I got to *BOM* *BOM* run away
I've got to *BOM* *BOM* get away

Heee!

Hee!

Remember "Toy Soldiers" by Martika? Ha!

I am endlessly amused by one hit wonders.

Mmm... butterscotch pudding.

Why, oh why don't they make sugar free butterscotch pudding?

Yay! Yay! *blarrrrgghhh* Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Yay! I bought a Playstation 2! And Final Fantasy X! And Final Fantasy Chronicles! Yay!

I was sick yesterday so I got to stay home and vomit and play FFX all day.

Hey Bob and Toast, Cecil and Edward are still hot! :P

All I could think about last night is that damn game. Blitzball... Sin... Spira... Yevon... pretty pretty graphics... *gurgle*

Recipe for tasty coffee

1 cup coffee
1 Hershey's Kiss
1 butterscotch button
1 packet Splenda

Mix well. Enjoy buzz.

In response to VH1's One Hit Wonders list, Launch has created a station full of nothing but these musical gems and oddities. It's lovely.

BWA-HA-HA! "Knockin' Boots" by Candyman. Hee-hee! Ooh boy I love you so / Never ever ever gonna let you go / Once I get my hands on you / I hope you feel the same way too

I can't remember the last time anybody referred to having sex as "knocking boots."

Just remember, kids, he's the Candyman and he melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

What?!

Geez, what's on my mind today? I just saw an ad for "Lower My Bills.com" and did a doubletake because I thought it said "Lower My Balls.com."

Reality Bites, Deadbeat Sex Client Finds

Mon May 13, 9:23 AM ET

EDMONTON, Alberta (Reuters) - A Canadian man's attempt make off without paying a prostitute for her services failed miserably on Friday when he left behind some crucial evidence -- his employer's truck and, inside it, much of his finger, police said.


"There's a lot of lessons here and they're all really apparent," Edmonton police spokesman Wes Bellmore said.

Residents of an Edmonton neighborhood alerted police just after daybreak with reports of a man and a woman fighting and yelling in and around a pickup truck, saying the man was bleeding from his hand.

Witnesses reported the young blonde woman eventually jumped out of the truck, pulled up her pants and ran to a nearby home, police said.

When officers arrived on the scene, they found the pickup with bloodstains on the door, clumps of blonde hair in the cab and a 3/4-inch (2 cm) piece of a finger.

Police also found the woman after a door-to-door search, and said she explained that she was working as a prostitute and that the fight broke out when the man refused to pay her for services rendered.

Officers believed she bit the man's finger off.

It did not take police long to locate the man, described as heavy-set and in his 50s.

"It was a company truck with the big name and phone number on the side, so that helped -- our investigators are pretty smart," Bellmore said.

"Our investigators got in touch with him at the hospital, where he's having what's left of his finger put back together."

Bellmore said the man was not arrested but may face assault charges in coming days.

Oh yeah? Same to you, buddy!

It is now 10:51 AM and I don't have a damn thing to do. I suppose I could file stuff or rearrange my desk for the 84th time. I've already scoured Fortean Times, Brunching Shuttlecocks, 8-Bit Theater, and College Humor. And I'm hungry. Whine, whine, bitch, moan. Work sucks.

Oh, all right...

YATTA!

The lyrics everyone's been waiting for...

YATTA! (All right!)/Happa-tai (Leaf Team)
Released April 18, 2001

G R Double-E N Leaves
G R Double-E N Leaves

It's so easy! Happy-go-lucky!
We are the world! We did it!
Hyuu! Hyuu! Hyuu! Hyuu! Osu! Osu! Osu! Osu! (Ai!)
Yatta! Yatta!
Daigaku gohgaku
Yatta! Yatta!
Shachoh shuunin
Happa ichimai areba ii. Ikite iru kara lucky da!

Yatta! Yatta!
Tohsen kakujitsu
Yatta! Yatta!
Nihon daihyoh
Yannaru kurai kenkoh da.
Everybody say yatta!

Nippon kyuukyuu (demo)
Ashita wa wonderful
Ijiwaru saretemo futon haireba
Guu guu guu guu! Pass pass pass pass (Ohayo--!)

Yatta! Yatta!
Kuujikan suimin
Yatta! Yatta!
Neoki de jump
Donna ii koto aru daroh ikite ita kara lucky da!

Yatta! Yatta!
Kimi ga kawareba
Yatta! Yatta!
Sekai mo kawaru
Marugoshi dakara saikoh da massugu tattara kimochi ii--!

O-mizu nondara umee! (Yatta!)
Hi ni atattara attakee! (Yatta!)
Koshi kara warattara omoshiree! (Yatta! Yatta!)
Inu-katte mitara kawaii! (Yatta!)

[Repeat]

Surechigai-zama hohoemi kureta
Nido to aenaku-tatte ii kimi ga ita kara lucky da!

Heisei fukyoh seiji fushin
Reset sae surya saikoh da! Minna iru kara tanoshii--!

Yatta! Yatta!
Daigaku kyohshitsu
Yatta! Yatta!
Movie star
Happa ichimai areba ii. Minna issho da happy da!

Yatta! Yatta!
Iki wo sueru
Yatta! Yatta!
Iki wo hakeru
Yannaru gurai kenkoh da! Everybody say yatta!

[Repeat *]
Bye-Q!

And now the translation:
G R Double-E N Leaves
G R Double-E N Leaves
It's so easy! Happy-go-lucky!
We are the world! We did it!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! (Unh!)

All right! All right!
We're doin' great in college!
All right! All right!
Made president at our jobs!
Long as we've one leaf on, we're doin' fine! Hey, we're lucky just 'cause we're alive!

All right! All right!
We've been confirmed for the prize!
All right! All right!
We're representing Japan!
We're so healthy, it just makes ya sick!
Everybody say "All right!"

Japan's got crises (but)
Tomorrow's wonderful
Even if somebody's mean to us, we just go to bed and
Snore! Snore! Snore! Snore! Pass! Pass! Pass! Pass! (Good morniiiiing!)

All right! All right!
We got nine hours of sleep!
All right! All right!
Woke up and jumped outta bed
What kinda great things might await us now? Hey, we're lucky just 'cause we're alive!

All right! All right!
If there's a change in you
All right! All right!
Then the whole world will change too.
Getting through it unhurt's the best of all. Just stand up straight because it feels greeeaat!!

I drink water that's tasty! (All right!)
I get in the sun and feel toasty! (All right!)
Havin' a belly laugh's fun! (All right! All right!)
Try keeping dogs--they're cute! (All right!)

[Repeat]

As we brushed past each other, you favored me with a smile.
It's okay if we never meet again. I'm lucky you were here just for a while!

We've got recession these days...in goverment we've no faith.
Could we hit "reset," that'd be number one! And since we're all here, it's just so much fun!

All right! All right!
In university class
All right! All right!
We've got a movie star!
Long as we've one leaf on, we're doin' fine! We're all together, it's a happy time!

All right! All right!
Long as we still can breathe in...
All right! All right!
Long as we still can breathe out...
We're so healthy, it just makes ya sick!
Everybody say "All right!"

[Repeat]

Bye-Q!

Evolution

Elfin Jenn
Tori Demon
Tori Angel
Angel Gabbiani
Angel Gambler
PikaPikaChick

Must be nice...

It must be nice to be able to come in to work whenever you want and leave whenever you want. For about a week Christina was really good about coming in at 8:00 and leaving at 4:30 every day. But lately she might come in at 9:00, she might come in at 11:00, or she might not come in at all. But she's salaried, so what does she care? </bitter>

Oh, and of course everyone expects me to know exactly where she is at all times, like I'm her personal fucking secretary or something.

Fry! Fry! Fry!

Ant City

Now this is news!

Is nothing sacred anymore?

Nestle, Hershey, Mars, others are named in toxic-metals suit

THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

May 8 — A nonprofit environmental group on Wednesday named several chocolate makers in a lawsuit alleging that their products contain dangerous levels of lead and cadmium.

Dum dee dum dee dum.

All alone...

I'm all alone here at work today. No Traci. No Christina. Hmm.

The Web is vast and infinite.

Hungry.

I've got one big ol' sushi craving. I guess I'm going to Byerly's for lunch. Cripes. It's only 9:00.

Huh?

Why is Ray of Light by Madonna being played on the LaunchCast Offspring Fan Station? Well, whatever.

Hooray for Impulse!

That is all.
*beam*

I hate software companies that don't offer at least some free telephone support. I just installed InoculateIT on a couple of computers and found that it wasn't downloading the updated virus signatures because "the file doesn't exist." Okay, that's not good. So I go into the settings for this thing to see if I could see something wacky. I read the manual. I read the online "help." Nothing. So I dial up Computer Associates. And it promptly asks me for a credit card number. WHAT? By sheer luck I discover that the FTP address is incorrect. I change it. It works. Nowhere is this documented. The program ships with an incorrect FTP address in it. And I would have had to paid to find this out. What the hell?

Weird day.

Today is actually flying past. For once. Dan and I are going over to my parents' house for, ahem, my birthday celebration. Hey, it's only two months late. Jules mentioned something about turkey today, but beyond that I have no idea what's in store for us.

Dreams

I slept on the futon last night because Dan was snoring like a buzzsaw. I had all kinds of bad dreams about tidal waves. Erk. Finally finished with Kory's website, seven hours later.

Splendid.

Study: Bisexuals face mental health risks

Great. What a happy ray of sunshine to brighten my day. So this means I'm pretty much being hit by all sides on the mental health issue. It was bad enough to have it on both sides of my family, but now this?

What relationships do you need to be concerned with, dear Pisces? The current configuration suggests there are issues that need addressing. If this is the case, try to assert yourself more than is normal for you. Your natural humility sometimes pushes you to retreat and afterwards you feel bad about it. You may fear speaking up because you don't want to jeopardize your relationship. But you have rights too, dear Pisces! Don't be afraid to express them!

I hate it when my horoscope is right. Scary.

Damn Shannon. She's got me addicted to Pogo.com.

The bananas in your pants

I'm really, really bored. I've got nothing to do.

Hmm...

The vibe around the apartment has been tense ever since I mad Dan fold the clothes before they got wrinkley. He usually lets them sit in the basket for about a week before maybe folding them. By the time I get to wear something I look like somebody crumpled me up and threw me away. I work in an office and even though I don't follow the non-enforced dress code, I'm expected to not look like a street rat. People seem to have a hard time taking me seriously there as it is but when I come in looking all ragged, I get dirty looks on top of the bad attitudes. Just fold the damn clothes. Geez. He doesn't do anything else he's supposed to on daily basis. I think I'll refrain from wiping the counters and see how funky they get.

Bitterness. Bitterness. Bitterness.

This is cute as hell.

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.

Wow.

It's 4:00 and I haven't written until now. This is a first. I guess I've been too busy at work. Or slacking off less. Or something.