Now look what we've done

A baby, we has one.

Checklist

Things I accomplished this weekend:

• Watched the entire BSG finale, having never seen an episode of BSG before in my life. SPOILER: that one chick dies. (1 point)
  
• Watched Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle. It was funny but I think I really missed out on the cheetah scene by not being stoned at the time. (1 point)
  
• Watched Xanadu. I think I really missed out on this whole movie by not being stoned at the time. (-1 point)
  
• Watched the Wild finally win in regulation. I bet the shutout was a huge morale boost to the team. Gaborick: meh. (1 point)
  
• Got lots of free stuff at The Wedge with the coupons we got when we became official members. What to do with a big bottle of agave syrup? Hmm.... (1 point)
• Couldn't find a parking spot at The Wedge and ended up parking wonky down the street and shuffling my preggo self an extra block with a heavy bag of groceries. (-1 point)
  

Things I did NOT accomplish this weekend:

• Give birth (-10 points)
  
• Go to the MNRG bout (-2 points)
  
• Go to Firkin Fest at the Happy Gnome (-1 point)
  

Cumulative weekend score: -11. FAIL.

Nine minutes with God

This morning, in the nine minutes between hitting the snooze button and getting out of bed I had a dream about God.

Funny, since I'm not the God-believin' type.

God asked me to help him gather up animals, Noah's Ark style. Only he wanted four of each this time. And he wanted them to go into his truck, which happened to look an awful lot like my dad's truck (a GMC Sierra with a topper). Animals actually started showing up in my backyard. Towards the end of the dream I finally asked how in the hell he expected four each of tens of millions of different species to fit into the back of this truck. And furthermore, if he was supposed to be omnipotent, why did he need my help anyway?

God simply shrugged, said nothing, and turned away.

That's when my alarm went off.

Safety overload

Why don't we put pads on the kids
helmets, head gear and mouth pieces
Then we could pad the floor and walls
put cameras inside bathroom stalls
We make sure only nice bands play
make every show a matinee
Teach kids to be all they can be
and we could sing my country tis of thee
sweet land of liberty

NoFx - "The Separation of Church and Skate"

I am about to cross the threshold into motherhood. I almost want to pick up the family, move to a commune in the middle of nowhere, and never own a TV, radio, or computer ever again.

OK, maybe just the commune part. But damn, some recent and not-so-recent stories are bumming me out. It's been building up for years.

Exhibit A: A Mom Lets Her Son Walk to Soccer…And The Police Come Calling

"He got 3 blocks and a police car intercepted him. The police came to my house — after I had left — and spoke with my younger children (who were home with Grandma). They then found me at the soccer field and proceeded to tell me how I could be charged with child endangerment."

Now, excuse the fuck out of me, Mr. Po-po, but we're not talking about a woman releasing her child on the streets of South Detroit at 2 AM. But you know -- you KNOW! -- that there are legions of helicopter parents clucking their tongues and nodding in their self-righteousness. How DARE this mother let this precious snowflake walk 1/3 of a mile to soccer practice!

Fuck off, helicopter parents.

Thankfully this story has a happy, sane, and victorious ending.

Exhibit B: The Natasha Richardson accident

"Lyne Lortie, a spokeswoman for the Mont Tremblant ski resort in the Laurentian Hills north of Montreal, said Ms. Richardson had fallen during a beginner’s lesson. She was not wearing a helmet at the time, she said.

'It was a normal fall; she didn’t hit anyone or anything,' Ms. Lortie said. 'She didn’t show any signs of injury; she was talking and she seemed all right.'" [emphasis mine]

She was not wearing a helmet. She was not wearing a helmet. A helmet. On a bunny hill. You know what? Fuck your skiing helmets. Seriously? A helmet for skiing? How about a helmet for walking to the mailbox on the corner? Or a helmet for pulling the car out of the driveway? Escalator helmets? HEY AMERICA: accidents happen. They will happen to you. And me. And your kid. Life's a bitch!

There are times when helmets and pads are appropriate. I live in Minneapolis and we're a pretty bike-friendly town, but you have to have a helmet because of all the idiot drivers, bad roads, and bad weather. I would never get on a scooter or motorcycle without a helmet. I would never play roller derby without a helmet. I would never ski down an ungroomed mountain without a helmet. But COME ON with the helmets for kids on tricycles and Big Wheels and...

Exhibit C: Helmets for kids on toy ponies

"And as with any ride on toy, kids should wear a helmet and other safety gear to make sure that kids are as safe as possible in case he or she should fall."

DEAR GODS YOUR CHILD PRECIOUS SNOWFLAKE MIGHT BUMP ITS HEAD AND GET A BRUISE! WHY HASN'T THIS PRODUCT BEEN RECALLED YET?! OMG!

Foodblogging: Corned Beef

There seems to be some anxiety amongst people around St. Patty's Day when it comes to cooking corned beef. Should I braise? Boil? Bake?

Get a hold of yourselves, people, because I've got the easiest recipe for corned beef ever.

Slap it in a slow cooker. You may sear the outside for four minutes on each side in a screaming hot pan with a little oil if you want, but it's not necessary. Less dishes to wash -- w00t. Throw in a few small red potatoes, some big chunks of carrot, and some quartered onions if you're feeling sassy. Pour on a can of Guinness. That little packet of seasonings that come with the corned beef? Sure, throw that in there too.

We usually let it go all day on low. I've done it for four hours on high before. Both turn out outstanding. If you want cabbage with this you can put that in there too but you may want to wait until the last 30-60 minutes for that.

If you're into corned beef sandwiches you'll want to let the meat firm up in the fridge for a few hours before slicing. Or not. Whatever.

Hey everybody, it's WTF day!

kkk.jpg (JPEG Image, 1024x600 pixels)

"I myself am not homophobic at all, but..."

Logic FAIL #2.

Dear Pope: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?

TPM: News Pages | Talking Points Memo | Pope: Condom Use 'Increases The Problem' Of AIDS

"You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms," the pope told reporters aboard the Alitalia plane headed to Yaounde, Cameroon, where he will begin a seven-day pilgrimage on the continent. "On the contrary, it increases the problem."

Logic FAIL.

Chuck Norris is going to secede with Texas

...toodaloo, sunshine.

I may run for president of Texas (a.k.a. We're Taking Our Toys and Going Home)

Memory trigger

Some of the videos at Eat Your Kimchi dredged up a couple of memories from my family's trip to Korea in 1987. I've been thinking about Korea a lot lately.

The memory takes place at my in Seoul. I'm not sure whose house it was. I think my grandparents were there and at least one of my aunts. Someone (one of my aunts?) owned/worked at a small convenience store just down the street. My parents wanted me to go down there by myself and get us something to eat (I don't remember what -- ramen maybe?) and made me memorize a phrase in Korean. I walked down there, repeating the phrase over and over in my head, and entered. The relative (aunt?) was so excited to see me that she immediately started fawning over me, jabbering and not listening to my stammered, probably incorrectly repeated phrase. She handed me a bunch of Drumsticks and before I knew it I was back with my family with a shellshocked and bewildered look on my face and an armful of Drumsticks.

They really like kids in Korea. This sort of thing is very common.

Over at Eat Your Kimchi they sampled banana milk. I remember traveling across Korea on a bus and getting a banana milk at a pit stop. I thought it was odd but tasty. I guess I never had banana flavored penicillin as a child to ruin me.

The most surprising thing about the videos at Eat Your Kimchi was the one where they visited Seoul Tower. The skyline in their video took my breath away. Seoul in 1987 was a vastly different place than it is today. My family's house where we stayed in Seoul was very simple. I don't recall if they even had running water or if it was a pump. The toilet was a shared outhouse in the alley. I wonder what that street looks like today. I sure don't remember many, if any, highrises in Seoul.

I just remembered something else about that outhouse. We were walking past it one day and heard some poor gentleman inside having some serious straining issues. To seven year old me and my twelve year old brother it was just about the most hilarious thing ever.

Heh, it's still funny.

I am so there.

Lebowski Fest rolling toward Minneapolis | Features | Culture | Twin Cities | Decider

Hopefully it will happen in the summer months so I can wear my green toenail polish.

The most epic pregnancy-related thread EVER

BC while prego?

Are any of you guys using birth control while you're pregnant? I've heard of Irish twins (sorry if the term offends any of you I don't know the medical term) and actually know 2 of them and I'm wondering if DH and I should be concerned about it.

It's not that I'm not thrilled I'm pregnant, I just don't think we are ready for 2 babies at the same time.

I am clearly on the wrong pregnancy site. Screw Babycenter, I'm moving to The Bump. The responses to this rocket scientist are FABULOUS. If anyone tried to say half those things to her on BBC they'd be put on a spit and roasted.