Roller derby return?

I used to play roller derby.

I was never terribly good at it.  I tried out because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it and that I could be a part of something.  Something physical.  Something social.  This is scary to me.

I spent a summer training and made it past tryouts.  This was exciting.  Girls were puking during tryouts.  It was the most physically intense three hours I've ever spent and has only been topped (slightly) by labor.

I was drafted by a team that I (at the time) did not care for, mainly because the team's color was pink.  I'm not exactly the pink type.  (I've changed slightly in that regard.)  I ended up loving my team.  So much, in fact, that I got a tattoo incorporating the logo.

Since I was pushing myself anyway I took on a couple of leadership roles.  I know that my brand of humor does not translate well for some people, and I'm pretty sure that's why I was never very good at it.  That and my crippling social anxiety.

That social anxiety also prevented me from forming any relationships with anyone.  I don't make friends well because I don't trust people enough and I'm insecure about myself, especially my stuttering/stammering.  And I'm just a weirdo anyway.  I know I creep people out for some reason.  Haven't quite figured out why yet.

So I was kind of relieved when I got pregnant and couldn't skate anymore.  I didn't have to push myself physically or socially anymore.  I did some bench coaching but it's been a while since I even did that.  I recently cleared out my Facebook friend list of roller derby people because I figured that part of my life was over.

It always stuck in the back of my mind.  Should I go back?  Why should I?  Why shouldn't I?  The baby takes up too much of my time.  Even though she's asleep by the time practice starts.  But Husband has band practice two nights a week.  Then there are the other league obligations like charity work and public appearances.  I've been meaning to try and get out of the house more anyway.

Aside from all those excuses and arguments, there's the little matter of my problems with WFTDA.  Not WFTDA itself per se, but the constant, maddening, increasingly complex rule changes.  Roller derby is a relatively simple sport.  The rulebook shouldn't be more than maybe 10 pages.  When roller derby first started back up in Texas and spread across the country, it attracted people because here was this sport where women were being physical and sexy and fun and there were big hits and fights and the whole thing was intense for the skaters and the spectators.  That was what drew me to it in the first place.  It wasn't like women's hockey (or basketball) where it was almost no contact.  This was a real contact sport for women!

Roller derby has been neutered.  And inevitably some big egos came in and acted shitty, as big egos are wont to do.

But so what?  I never wanted to fight anyone anyway, I just liked it when other people (especially my teammates... especially my captain) did.  And I never did pay much attention to the egos.

Then I get a text saying they need retired and non-skating players for the next bout.  I surprised myself and jumped at the opportunity.  Now I'm considering going back.  Maybe.

Should I?  Shouldn't I?

Febgiving 2010!

We're determined to have a Febgiving this year.

You are invited.

That is, if you aren't creepy.  Or if we know you personally, then you're totally in.  Unless you're creepy.

RSVP.

Mama Thursday: Week 43 - To Wean or Not To Wean (that is her question)

I'm not sure if Lily has begun weaning or not.  My body certainly thinks so.  Last week and part of this week she has refused nursing from both sides at some of her feedings.  I'm not sure if she's full from the solid food, her new teeth are bothering her, or my milk tastes bad.  I've been under a lot of stress lately and my milk production has gone down significantly.  I'm trying to get it back up with extra pumpings, Fenugreek capsules, and Mother's Milk tea.

As an aside, one of the recipes for homebrew tea here says to steep 1 teaspoon each of fennel, cumin, and dill in water and drink that three times a day.  That sounds absolutely horrible.  It sounds like a recipe for pickles.

I'm willing to nurse Lily for at least a year.  Maybe two if she really insists.  I'm leaving the decision to wean up to her as long as it's under two years.  I really enjoy the closeness of nursing (not to mention the breaks in my workday that I get when I pump).  I'm still addicted to the indescribable feeling of milk letdown.

In other non-breast-related news, Lily can wave.  She was waving to herself in the mirror at the doctor's office yesterday.  I almost died from the cuteness.

Also, blueberries are awesome.

By the way, if you have or are going to have a child, you should put Baby Goodbuys in your RSS reader or bookmarks.

Foodblogging: Haggis? Aye, haggis.

 Oh god.

I've learned a lot about haggis in the last couple of days.  I'm not entirely thrilled about it, but I'm also not as grossed out as I was in my pre-haggis life.

I learned that my above method of cooking haggis is entirely wrong.  Evidently you're just supposed to heat it up, scoop out the insides, and serve it with "neeps and tatties", or mashed turnips and potatoes.  And whiskey.  Sadly, we had none of these things.

But let's go back to the beginning.  Haggis?  In Minneapolis?  The Twin Cities aren't known as a huge Scottish hotspot.  But as we were waiting for our fish at the meat counter at the Seward Co-op, Husband's eye caught the offal-stuffed sausage at the end of the meat case.  He asked the meat guy how one prepares haggis and the answer was surprisingly simple.  It's already cooked so you just need to heat it up.  So 0.7 pounds of haggis made it home with us that morning.

I unwrapped it the next morning because Husband requested his haggis with a side of eggs and toast.  I hadn't seen it yet and I was expecting something more, um, stomach shaped.  It looked like fresh bratwurst tied at the ends with twine.  I split it down the middle, seared it in some oil, and plopped it onto a plate.  I do need to note that when I turned it over to sear the uncut side the casing shrank and made it look like the haggis was writhing around in the pan.  It seriously creeped me out.

 It looks like the haggis monster is devouring the plate chicken.

So sticking with my "I will eat anything once, except brains" ethos I give it a hesitant first taste.  My brain was screaming at me to stop and I had a hard time putting the fork into my mouth.  Honestly -- it wasn't bad.  It tasted like meatloaf.  I was expecting more of a liver-y mineral-y flavor.  It was actually pretty tasty, infused with garlic throughout.  The texture was light and, dare I say, almost fluffy.  Still, I couldn't get past one forkful because I was fixated on what, exactly, I was eating.

What is haggis?  Traditionally it's sheep's heart, liver, and lungs mashed up with oats, stuffed into the sheep's stomach, and boiled.  Since the FDA previously said that our puny American systems can't handle lungs, you're probably not going to find it in commercial American made haggis.  Oh darn.  But how's this for some freaky Baader-Meinhof breaking news?  The 21-year US ban on haggis has just been lifted.  According to The Heavy Table the Seward version has beef hearts, liver, tongue, kidneys, steel cut oats, and garlic.  It's in an intestinal casing rather than a stomach.

I just got a little faint typing "intestinal casing."

Husband and proclaimed that he will be eating every part of the animal possible at every given opportunity and has followed through.  While I agree with this philosophy, it's been hard for my mostly-pescitarian brain (and palate) to handle since I do have to try everything at least once.  For the record, black pudding tastes like liver sand and white pudding just tastes like iron.

I do recommend everyone try it at least once.  It's certainly not going to kill you.  It may actually make you stronger.  And you might just find you like it.

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SCOTUS WTF

In case you haven't heard, the Supreme Court of the US just passed a ruling that corporations are allowed to spend money directly on political campaigns.  The argument was a highly distorted perversion of the First Amendment, which alludes that corporations are citizens who deserve individual rights.

There has been some buzz lately that this ruling doesn't, in fact, change anything in the way the business as usual takes place between big business and politics.  Whereas before companies could do some legal sidestepping and contribute as much money as they want toward attack/support ads that were funneled through PACs, now they can just put their own name on the commercials.  Not that they would, but who knows.  One day soon seeing anti-conservationist vote-for-this-guy ads paid for by Exxon will seem as normal as celebrities shilling for diet plans.  Big business has just been handed a giant bat with which to beat American politics into submission.

I still say this ruling is dangerous and does indeed threaten our already shaky democracy.  It legitimizes corporate bribery.  Sure, that's the way it's always been in D.C.  But let's remember what happens when things like this are legitimized.  Remember the old lady who sued because her coffee was hot?  Ever since then our legal system has gone batshit crazy with people suing over things that happened because they're too stupid and/or greedy.  This is why the building in which I work has folding signs on the floor 365 days a year warning people that the floors may be wet because of the weather.  It's also why parents are too frightened to let their children go outside and play and anyone with a penis is terrified to speak to, let alone help, a child.  Our world is filled with disclaimers and CYA tactics.  Insurance rates are out of control.  Our legal system has gone so far beyond repair it's actually laughable, all because Grandma Dumbshit spilled some coffee.

So now what do we have?  Already spineless and greedy career politicians afraid to make any waves or cause any real change in government because a large corporate sponsor might pull out funding from their next campaign.  Excuse me, not direct funding, but advertising that accomplishes the exact same thing.  We have the possibility of employees shaken down by their corporate superiors and told to vote a certain way because it could affect their job.

Worst of all, you've got millions of idiot Americans bamboozled by misleading political ads sponsored by giant corporations who have only their bottom line's best interest at heart.

I'm no political wonk, but is it unrealistic to think that there should be lifetime term limits on all government offices?  Can we do away with lobbyists and strike this embarrassment of a ruling from history?

Mama Thursday: Chaos Baby

FACT: if you put glass bottles in your microwave steamer, forget to add water, and nuke for 3 minutes at 1000 watts it makes the glass hot enough to boil water.

Lily has a knack for chaos and destruction.  If her animal figurines are standing on their feet, she knocks them over.  If there is a tower of blocks, she knocks them over.  If her knob puzzle is put together, she will take the pieces out and throw them on the floor.  If there is something in a bag or box, she takes it out.  She is my polar opposite and it simultaneously drives me crazy and makes me smile.

Strangely, when she's in the container she leaves everything alone.

She is also reaching the point where she doesn't want us to feed her very much.  She wants to do it.  She'll grab the spoon from our hands and attempt to figure it out.  She usually turns it upside down, sticks it in her bowl or plate, and looks at it before throwing it on the floor and grabbing her food with both hands and smearing it around her mouth.  She also believes that we do not feed her fast enough.

Did I mention that she's a complete ham for the camera?  When she sees one she's instantly The Most Smiley Baby In The World and positions herself directly in front of it.

I do mean directly in front.

Anyhoo, I don't have much fire in me for moral outrage this week so I guess it'll have to wait until next time. 

Closet Organizationator

This was our back hall closet.  This is incredibly embarrassing.  It's a big closet but it doesn't have any shelves so it basically turned into a giant pile of paper and plastic bags.

I bought one of those hanging closet organizers from the cheap section at Target for $2.50.  And thus, our closet was reborn.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T CARE?  THIS IS IMPORTANT SHIT.

When it gets warmer out I will actually use one of our saws to make real shelves.  You know, like real adults have in their closets.  Here's the home improvement plan for (hopefully) 2010:

• Replace electrical system (Grounded outlets!  Wow!)
• Replace light in back hall
• Caulking, caulking, calking
• New front outdoor light
• Clean carpets
• Refinish living room floor
• Drip irrigation in the garden
• Shelves in the office
• Succulents in the dry spot out front
• Garage door opener
• New door for Lily's room
• Paint the kitchen
• Decorate the bedroom

I'm going to be busy.

Too much

I have refrained from blogging about or even thinking about Haiti because it's just too fucking much for me to handle right now.

You know what to do by now.

Mama Thursday: Week 41 - Ruminations on Being Pregnant

Lily has been out of my body now for as long as she was in.  This has gotten me thinking back on the pregnancy.  I was hoping by now that the trauma of everything would have passed, but I'm still facing those demons.  This is probably because I'm nursing and my body is still a crazy hormone factory.

I hated being pregnant.

Hated it.  It was a full nine months of hell for me.  From the three months of nausea to the sciatica that brought tears to my eyes on more than one occasion to the crushing fatigue to the stupid waddle I developed pretty much immediately because my hips went straight out of whack -- hell.  I'd like to say that there was a time during all of that where I was happy with what was going on or even mildly content, but there really wasn't.  There was that time I was craving apple pie and my marvelous husband went to the store, brought me some, fed it to me, and I immediately puked it back up on the bed.  There was the time I had one of my lovely first tomatoes that was fresh picked from my garden that morning for breakfast and I had to run-waddle through the office to puke it up.  There was the time I almost passed out at the top of the stairs at the train station.  There were all the times when I just wanted to cry (or did cry) because my back, butt, and leg hurt so bad from the sciatica and I could barely move.  There was all that not being able to get out of bed or off the couch without two or three tries.  There was the horror of seeing myself naked in the mirror, as if I didn't already have body image issues.  There was the loss of several pairs of shoes that I still to this day can't wear because my feet swelled up like water balloons.  There was the nagging anxiety about the impending delivery.

Then there was the delivery.  Labor itself wasn't nearly as bad in reality as it was in my head.  I got through it drug free in a tub just like I wanted.  But the psychological trauma of the process left a deep scar that I'm still trying to heal.

Of course it was all worth it in the end.  Don't even think that I would suggest that it wasn't.

So right now the thought of going through all that again is reeeeaaalllly not appealing to me.  Lily could be an only child, right?  She's got two first cousins and one third cousin within a few months of her own age.

Right?

Sigh.

The Incident

Now that I can type without too much pain it is time to recount the tale of The Incident.  Or, The Most Goddamn Stupid Thing I Have Ever Done.

So the other day I was making baby food.  I was plowing right along.  I had a system.  Puree one batch while the next defrosts in the microwave.  Nuke, buzz, scoop, freeze.  Earlier that weekend I had cooked two bags of dry beans to stock the freezer and I had some leftovers that I intended to use in baby food.  So I use my wonderful stick blender to puree some great northern beans.  Whoops, there's not enough liquid in there and now half the beans are stuck under the blades.

Now, normally I am the person with the most common sense in the room.  I'm not bragging, this is something that has just become apparent to me over time.  So normally when this happens (it does often) I have enough common sense to remove the blade portion of the blender from the motor end, use a small rubber spatula to scoop out the stuck food, and go about my business.

Stress is a serious problem.  The American Institute of Stress lists 50 common signs and symptoms of stress, including everything from heartburn, hives, and panic attacks to indecisiveness, excessive defensiveness, and social isolation.  They don't mention temporary insanity on this list, though some of the symptoms certainly could be construed that way.

So that fateful day when my beans were stuck in my blender I absentmindedly decided to use my finger to scoop them out.  Without removing the blades.  While my hand was on the trigger.  While it was plugged in.

Have you ever experienced anything so shocking and traumatic that time slows down and it feels like you've been launched out of your body and that you are watching a horrible movie about someone doing something horribly stupid?  As my hand squeezed the blender's trigger, my exact thoughts were, "Did I just do that?  Why did I just do that?  That's an interesting noise."

That noise, of course, was the sound of razor sharp blades slicing easily through my fingernail and flesh.

I'm lucky that those blades cut in a counterclockwise direction.  If my fingernail wasn't there I probably would have lost the tip of my finger.  It bled for two days straight.

I've been under quite a lot of stress lately, but I didn't think it was to the point of subconscious self-destruction.  It honestly felt like a blast of alien hand syndrome.  Why would I have pushed the button?  What the hell?  So many questions.

Do you sadists want to know what it looks like to have your finger torn apart by a 200-watt kitchen appliance?  Here's a picture of my cat surrounded by wooden blocks.  You may click on her to see the carnage if you wish.

So there you go, that is the Most Goddamn Stupid Thing I Have Ever Done.

Foodblogging: It's time for a meal plan!

I made a menu plan using the stuff that's on sale at Cub this week (via Pocket Your Dollars).

It's a bit soup- and Latin-heavy but that's what I'm craving.

• Garlic Soup, bread, salad (I was planning on baking my own bread this week)
  
• Lentil and Veggie Tostadas, sweet potatoes, corn
• Spiced Butternut Squash Apple Soup, apple and brie (prosciutto) sandwiches (Husband gets prosciutto on his)
  
• Three-Pepper Burger Fajitas, refried beans, corn
• Tilapia Veracruz, brown rice, corn
• Pizza, salad

Get the full meal plan with shopping list here.

A word or two about my meal plans:

• I'm pescatarian*
• I'm feeding two adults and hoping for leftovers
• The Nutrition tab is something I used to fill out when I did not have a child who sucks up all my time
• This really looks a whole lot better in Excel rather than Google Docs.
• I never include salt and pepper in the shopping list
• The sources for the recipes are included wherever possible
• If you can improve upon my geeky meal planning spreadsheet, please let me know!
  

Adjust accordingly.

*I make occasional exceptions for bacon and Jucy Lucys

Forthcoming: The most goddamn stupid thing I have ever done

This post is forthcoming because, as a result of this stupid thing which I have done, I can't type very well.

Mama Thursday: The Good and the Bad

Lily stood up on her own without hanging on to anything this week.  She did it twice for a few seconds.  She was trying to get some of the Doritos I was eating.  She was confused because we were freaking out but I still wouldn't give her my Doritos.

She also developed the most horrifying diaper rash ever.  She rarely gets diaper rashes because she's in cloth diapers but when she does they come on suddenly and with great furious anger.  Yesterday she developed a rash complete with pimple-like sores.  The first thing that came to my mind was "OMG CALL THE DOCTOR THE BABY HAS HERPES" but since neither Husband nor myself have herpes and we don't know anyone with herpes who would possibly be in the vacinity of Lily's hooha, I calmed down.  She doesn't seem to be bothered by it.  I'm the one doing the flinching and cringing when I put diaper rash cream on her.  She just goes about the business of babbling and trying to pull her clock radio down.  Still, I'm going to give the doctor a call tomorrow. 

Speaking of babbling, we still haven't heard that first word since the first and only time she said it.  I'm still counting it as her real official First Word though.  It was much too deliberate to be a fluke.

The In-Between Girl Manifesto for 2010

Actually, "manifesto" is a little melodramatic.  This is more of a statement of purpose for this blog.

This year I resolve to actually change up the layout and come up with a logo or something.


Who is PPC?
Who am I?  Nobody, really.  I'm a girl from Minneapolis.  I have a husband and a baby and a dog and two cats and a house.  I work in IT.  I don't have much of a social life.  I stutter and stammer when I talk so I don't do it very often.  I ride a scooter.  I'm fairly left-leaning.  Half Asian.  Bisexual.  Humanist.  I like to cook.  I dislike stupid people and bad grammar.

What is this blog?
This is my blog.  I write it for me.  I write about my daughter so I have a record of her milestones.  I write about my cooking adventures so I can go back and remember what worked and what didn't.  I write about stuff that pisses me off, makes me laugh, or confounds me.  I'm not looking for tons of hits, RSS subscriptions, or any sort of Internet fame.  I address certain posts to an imaginary audience because it's easier to write that way.  I write for me and if anyone else stumbles on this stuff then good on them.

On anonymity
I don't assume total anonymity, but I don't go out of my way to bring my real life identity to light.  I have a Facebook page but my friends list is reserved for people I actually know or am related to.

Posting schedule
I aim to post foodblogs on Tuesday and parenting blogs on Thursday.  Sometimes this happens and sometimes it doesn't.  Other than that I post whenever the mood strikes.

If you're a regular reader, thanks!  I have no idea why you keep coming back but I appreciate it.



If this is your first time here, hi there!



If you're offended by something I've said, you know where you can go and where you can stick your precious sensabilities.

Here's to a bright and happy 2010.