Working on it

I've been trying to write.  Blogging.  Fiction.  Anything.  I can't seem to muster enough brain cells together to finish more than a sentence or two.

I've been feeling more than a little scatterbrained lately and my social anxiety and OCD are coming back in waves.  I should probably talk to my doctor about going back on a small amount of medication again but that just seems like quitting, you know?

New Year's Eve this year is looking like a clusterfuck.  A bunch of us are going to the Wild game, then to dinner, then the next part is fuzzy.  Every year a friend-of-a-friend's husband puts on an invite-only party with fancy dress at a local establishment.  A bunch of us were originally against going this year because 1) it's across town, 2) BAR PRICES, 3) the dress code, and 4) getting a taxi on NYE is nigh impossible.  We were going to do multiple house parties and a progressive dinner thing, but then out-of-towners got thrown into the mix and suddenly everyone's like, "let's show 'em around town!"

I haaaaate going out on NYE.  They don't call it Amateur Night for nothing.  The last thing I want to do is stand ass-to-elbow with a pack of suburbanites who come to the "big city" once a year, pay over-inflated alcohol prices (after waiting at an understaffed bar just to order), then worry about how to get home.  Husband and I are more into getting into our jammies, drinking our own alcohol, and going to bed at a reasonable hour.

So we decided to do the hockey game and dinner and then skedaddle back home.  I predict I will be asleep by 11:30.

Dear Target: Your comment form is too short.

Sorry I'm using the generic comment form, but I couldn't find one specifically for Archer Farms.

I'm surprised to find myself writing today about some Archer Farms Lunch Bowls I had yesterday and today.  I've never felt so strongly about food that I actually had to complain to the company about it.  First time for everything, I guess.  I get that I'm complaining about something that cost me less than $1.50 each, but I'm mostly irritated because I work on one side of Minneapolis and Target is on the other, and I don't have a ton of time for lunch so now I have to go back across town to Target (the only grocery store in the area) and buy more food for lunch.

Yesterday I tried the Vegetable Masala bowl.  I'm not going to beat around the bush -- it tasted like burnt dish soap.  I didn't even know what burnt dish soap tasted like before yesterday.  Also, rather than being called "Vegetable Masala," it should be called "Rice, Four Lentils, and About Half of the Vegetable Content of Bowl Noodle Masala".  I took about three and a half bites before I had to throw it away.

I am right now torturing myself with the Kung Pao Noodles.  Seriously, did anyone actually taste this before rubber stamping the production?  It tastes like sweet, insipid, stale weirdness.  This is not kung pao.  It's not even imitation kung pao.  And I loves me some kung pao.  To top this all off, the peanuts are actually, for real, rancid.  Not even stale.  Rancid.  Another four bites.  Into the trash.

In general I've been quite happy with the quality and taste of other Archer Farms products, but something must have happened in the QA process here.  I have a Couscous Primavera bowl in my cabinet and I'm considering taking bets around the office over how many bites I can choke down before I give up in defeat.

First World Problem

Last Sunday Husband took Lily down to her uncle's house to watch football and spend some quality time with her cousin.  And so I found myself, for the first time in months, by myself with nothing but free time on my hands.

No demanding toddler?  No husband occupying the TV with his video games?  No feelings of being chained by housework and childcare?  What do I do with my time?  The world was my oyster -- or at least the part of the world I could walk to.  Meh, it's easier to stay in the house.  I had options!

I baked some bread and rolls, then watched some Good Eats in the dining room, then relocated to the living room to fire up a video game for the first time in, like, forever.  Hey!  Uncharted 2!  I hear this is a fun game!  But the controls suck ass and I can't see anything and I'm not good at shooting people.  OK, what's on TV?  Crap... crap... 80's crap... crap... same old cooking shows... crap... and shitty cartoons.  OK...  How about some Netflix!  What Would Jesus Buy!  Haha!  Well, this is kind of long but I dig the message, and now it's over... What about the computer?  Don't really wanna play Minecraft right now... Can't do much in Glitch because I'm still waiting for Mining IV and I'm swimming in currants with nothing to spend them on... Don't really wanna click around on Reddit outside of work... Don't feel like exercising... Too tired to read....

I am unfulfilled.

In which my two-year-old completely freaks me out

We moved our bedroom down to the basement this weekend so guests don't have to go traipsing through our bedroom to get to the bathroom and so we can finally have an actual dining room.  With a table and everything.  No more eating on the couch.  And we have room for our Christmas Yule Holiday tree.

So things are in a state of disarray and I'm slowly trying to clean and organize it all.

I put Lily to bed last night and went downstairs to tackle the mountain of clothes that needed to be put away.  A little while later I went back upstairs to bring some towels and some of Lily's clothes up and get a glass of water.  So I was putting things away in the kitchen, then I walked into the living room and my sweet, beautiful daughter scared me half to death.

She was sitting silently on the couch.  She had been there the whole time.

"Play wif my toy," she said simply, holding up her toy airplane we recently unearthed from the basement.

My mind boggled.  The child gate was still latched in front of her closed bedroom door and the bathroom door to her room was still locked.  I have absolutely no idea how she got out of her bedroom.  She must have ninja-climbed over the gate and shut her door.  I didn't hear a thing from downstairs, and I was listening.

The hotel soap

I was trying to publish this from my hotel room in Chicago a few weeks ago but their wifi was shit and I couldn't get the pictures uploaded.  I found it sitting in my drafts folder today.

Between yesterday evening and today I have been in the process of using exactly

one bar of facial soap,

one bar of body soap, zero shampoo or conditioner, and one bottle of lotion.

That is the condition I left the soaps in when I left.  They are still, essentially, two whole and complete bars of soap.  I don't know why I put the shampoo and conditioner in the shower because I was never planning on using it.  I'm funny that way.

I came back to my room this evening to find, in addition to my other soaps and shampoos already in the room, 

One additional shampoo, one additional facial soap, and one additional body soap.

I'm afraid if I stay here much longer the situation is going to turn into this.

And Chicago?  You're beautiful.

 

lol, butts

I suppose it's just the beginning

Halloween was a success. We were unable to find a Foofa costume but Lily didn't have any problem at all being Brobee.  I had to sew the chinstraps to the hat because there was no way on Earth that thing was staying on her head.

We stayed home for once because Monday night Halloweens are stupid and we didn't want to deal with the hassle of traveling to the suburbs this year.  We took a spin around the block and chatted with neighbors a bit, which was nice, then returned home to finish passing out candy.  We had to go to the store twice for candy refills, as we underestimated the amount of children in our neighborhood.  There were only a few kids who looked a bit old for trick-or-treating, and nobody neglected to wear a costume.

No costume?  No candy.  You must parade in front of my door for my amusement.

Staying home meant we put forth a tiny bit of effort to decorate the house.  We had lights around the door, hanging decorations on the boulevard tree, and I actually carved a small pumpkin.  Lily carved a fake pumpkin at daycare.

Time it takes for a fresh pumpkin to start shriveling in the full sun of a west-facing picture window?  Evidently half a day.

Please excuse my crazy window setup.  That's where I incubate seedlings in the spring and I haven't had a reason to dismantle it yet.  Anyone want to build me one of these bad boys for next year?

Somebody must have flipped some kind of switch at work because the last couple of weeks have been absolutely crazy.  I can't even begin to catch my breath right now and I'm going out of town for business tomorrow for three days.

Meanwhile, our 5 day old baby niece is recovering from major surgery, Thanksgiving plans are up in the air, I need to register for spring semester classes while I'm out of town, and I've got about 10 billion projects floating in my head and around the house.

Soon I will tell you about my adventures in once-a-month-cooking.  If I get some time.

Blog-In

This is a blog-in.

---

Dear 2012 Presidential Candidates,

We are your future constituents and we are parents.

We are American mothers and fathers and grandparents and guardians. Our families might be the most diverse in the world. Blended and combined in endless permutations, we represent every major religion, political ideology and ethnic culture that exists. We are made from equal parts biology and choice. Our children come to us in every way possible—including fertility miracles, adoption, and remarriage.

Our very modern families embody the freedom that defines America. We embody America. We are rich in diversity, but we are united in our family values. We come together today, with one voice, to express our grave disappointment in the national political discourse.

The 2012 countdown has barely begun and we are already bombarded with the warmed-over, hypocritical rhetoric of 2008. We are living in a time where 15.1% of Americans now live in poverty, the unemployment rate stands at 16%, and we are spending close to $170 billion annually between the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Given the current state of affairs we would expect every candidate to focus on the issues that truly matter: job creation, debt-relief, taxes, education, poverty, and ending the war(s). Instead, it is already clear to us that the conversation has been hijacked, with the goal of further polarizing our nation into a politically motivated and falsely created class-war.

We will not stand for another campaign year in which politicians presume to know what our family values are as they relate to the nation.

To be clear, here are our family values:

•  Affordable health care, including family planning, for all Americans. We will not tolerate any candidate using the shield of “Choice” to blind us from the issues that really matter. When funding is stripped from organizations like Planned Parenthood, access to sliding-scale health care (including yearly pap smears & mammograms), comprehensive sex education, and family planning is blocked from the poorest of the population.

•  Access to education, and the ability to actually use it. We want quality, affordable, federally-funded full-day, pre-K programs made available in every State, in order to provide an even starting point for all children enrolled in public schools— regardless of the wealth of the district or town they live in.

•  A reinstatement of regulations for banks issuing mortgages and full prosecution for those who engaged in fraud. We want full accountability —investigation, indictment and prosecution— of those individuals and financial institutions who engaged in fraudulent lending practices and who helped create the massive foreclosures that left many families homeless or struggling to keep their homes.

•  A return of strict environmental regulations protecting water, air, food, and land that were removed in the last two decades. We want our children to grow up in a world not weighed down by the strains of pollution and global warming. Between BPA in our products, sky-rocketing rates of asthma in kids, questionable hormones in our over-processed food, and more, we need leaders who will put our needs and safety over the desires and profits of large corporations.

Family planning, healthcare, education, economic solvency and environmental safety: these are our national family values.

Candidates who demonstrate the ability to understand the gravity of these issues, and their impact on our families, and who can provide actual, viable solutions to these problems will garner our support and our votes.

We believe in our democratic system, and we'll continue to use our voices and our votes to see that it reaches its fullest potential.

Sincerely,

Your future constituents,

The Mothers & Fathers of America

If you would like to forward this letter to your elected officials, you can find their contact info at the following links: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm https://writerep.house.gov/writerep/welcome.shtm


To see who else is participating in #BlogIn2011, please click here.

Making do

*Beeeeeeep*  The train doors open.

I squeeze out into the cold.  Hubert looks frostbitten today.  There isn't even a hint of sunrise peeking between the buildings but the sky is violently clear with a bright gash of moon and pricks of stars.

 The brave OccupyMN souls are still sleeping outdoors every night.  I wish them well in my head.  I can't imagine any kind of cold weather camping, much less sleeping in the cold without a tent.  If the temperature in my bedroom falls below 65 I swear my extremities go numb and I can start to see my breath.

I'm not happy about being back on the train.  The day before I tried to start my scooter in the morning and she wasn't having any of it, even after having the battery conditioner plugged in for twenty minutes.  I conceded and walked to the bus stop in defeat.  It's frustrating when the afternoon highs are hovering around 50-60 degrees.

So I am forced to embrace the cold.  I do so grudgingly.  I take the cold, smash it into a ball, and stuff it down into my solar plexus much like I do with the heat and light of the summer sun.  It's like stoking the coals of a fire.  The pain of the cold brings focus.  The focus brings strength.

I pick up my pace.

Kimchi Chronicles, let's see where this is going

I stumbled upon Kimchi Chronicles last night on PBS.  At first I was like, who is this orange lady and what is going on here?  She was touring around Seoul and the surrounding area eating bulgogi.

The orange thing turned out to be unflattering light.  Marja is actually black-Korean and adopted in the US.  The show is evidently about her discovering her Korean roots through food.

The Korean travel scenes are fantastic.  I missed the first 15 minutes or so of this show but when I jumped in she was talking with several locals and an expat about the different types of bulgogi.  It's a beautifully shot show made by the same people who did that insufferable Spain series with Mario Batali, Mark Bittman, and (ugh) Gwenyth Paltrow.

The part that lost me was when she was back in her super-modern tricked out kitchen with her snooty French chef husband, a man who admits he has never washed a single dish in his entire married life, and some random celebrities.  Chef Husband Guy made crazy steaks with wagyu beef and plopped butter mixed with kimchi down on top of them.  Make no mistake, this is in no way Korean food.  At least Marja made somewhat authentic LA kalbi.

Then there was the scene at the end with waif-like Heather Graham halfheartedly picking at some other Korean food and complaining about how spicy everything was.  Presumably at the end of the evening she jumped from the balcony and caught a light breeze back home.

FUCK I hate cooking shows with celebrities.

I've got the series set to record on DVR so I'll check out some other episodes as they become available.  But I'll probably skip the wanky celebrity parts from here on out.

It's been a while, so have some random crap

I've been busy, exhausted, and evidently too manic to put a coherent sentence together.  So you get this.  You're welcome.

I still put two spaces after my closing punctuation.

Every time I see these apple-peanut butter-marshmallow smiles I laugh uncontrollably.  I tried to make them once and almost peed myself.

Lily has yet another ear infection.  She has two giant bottles of medicine in the fridge.  If it keeps going like this we'll have to explore the ear tube option, which will probably give me a heart attack.

The temperature has been in the 80s for over a week and I am overjoyed.

I thought of a rhyme this morning:  "Autumn, fall, I hate it all."  I hate falling leaves, raking, rain, having to dismantle the garden, everything turning brown, the weather getting colder, football season, and having to winterize my scooter.  The only good thing about fall is the food.

For many years my favorite song was Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone."

My favorite song is currently still Hot Water Music's "Trusty Chords."

I am seriously considering a Hot Water Music tattoo, but band tattoos are kind of dumb, you know?  Besides, I haven't even gotten my Lily tattoo yet and probably shouldn't immortalize a band before my own child.

I commuted on my bike on Friday.  We had a terrible windstorm.  I couldn't physically pedal into the wind at times and ended up with a massive charlie horse.  I rode my husband's bike, which has the smallest, hardest seat in existence.  So my leg hurts and my crotch hurts.  So no more biking for me this year.

I've been popping in and out of the OccupyMN protest.

Our daycare lady's brother died this weekend and subsequently she is closed this week.  That's really awful and I'm a terrible person for saying this, but this is really inconvenient.  I'm going to buy her flowers and send along some dinner when she opens again.

I've been craving pulled pork, Husband has been craving beef barbacoa.  Which meat will prevail?

My midwife suggested I try an elimination diet to try and figure out why I need to take a prescription antacid every single day to function.  I've tried gluten free before but I think that might have made things worse.  So I'm going to try dairy-free and soy-free diets over the next couple of months.  I'm planning dairy-free starting next week for two weeks.  I'm getting lightheaded just thinking about it.  On the other hand, this will be a good time to make some more homemade cheese and not prematurely sample the goods before it's properly aged.

Did I mention I made some goat cheese?  Turned out great.  I need to find a source for goat milk in large quantities.  That shit is expensive at the co-op.

It's Friday and I need to lie down

This has been the longest week ever.  I've been sticking to my Abstinence Month guns though, and for the most part I've been doing well with my diet.  I still have an endless parade of all the things I want to eat running through my head at all times like a delicious ticker tape.

Jelly doughnut... Fudge brownies... Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream... Hurricane... Chocolate Chip Cookies... Nutella... Flourless chocolate cake... Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting... 

Damn it, anyway.

We took Lily to Yo Gabba Gabba Live! last night.  She was the embodiment of sheer, unbridled joy and glee.  More on this later.

I think I want to finally move this blog to Wordpress.  But I'm not sure I have the time for that.

The new version of Minecraft came out and my Minecraft desktop computer's Windows 7 hard drive died.  I'm having a hell of a time reinstalling onto the third drive right now.  It might be time to buy another 2 TB drive anyway.  Which sucks because I'm swimming in 40GB drives that are almost useless here in the 21st century.

I started taking Zantac last night.  I had crazy dreams and fitful sleep that wasn't helped by Lily's need to come in and sleep on the Big Bed last night at 2:30 AM.  Today I can barely function.  It's a good thing I didn't ride my scooter this morning considering the first time I went on Claritin I ran a stop sign and two red lights in my car.  Hopefully this will all even out before the first hard frost.

What are we doing this weekend?  NOTHING!  GLORIOUS NOTHING!

Silly mama, there's only one kind.

Me: Lily, what did you dream about last night?

Lily: Pizza!

Me: What kind of pizza?

Lily: Eat pizza!

I'm going to bitch about some things

Fuck you, fake food

I used to have a crush on George Duran (warning: Flash).  This started back when he had his own show on the Food Network back when the Food Network was somewhat watchable.  He introduced me to Venezuelan hot dogs and I haven't looked back since.  He's cute, has an interesting story, and I liked his personality.

In the years since his show got cancelled he's become a shill for ConAgra's family of pseudo-food.  I'll admit that I'll take Hunts (HFCS-free) ketchup over Heinz any day when I'm not eating my own homemade ketchup -- oh yeah, I'm that homemade ketchup making girl -- but a quick glance at their product list is enough to harden your arteries and send your blood pressure straight up to the ISS.

So that's pretty bad in and of itself.  I understand that a man's got to put money in the bank.  But this latest PR nightmare blogger ridiculousness?  What little respect I had for the guy is completely gone.  Nothing says integrity like lying directly to people's faces and trying to make a buck off of hidden camera footage.  It's enough to turn a person off ConAgra products forever.  Phew -- looks like I don't buy any of that shit anyway.

Note that I still buy processed food from time to time (usually spaghetti sauce).  I'm not on any kind of high horse on that front.  But it'll be a cold August day in Death Valley before I slop a can of Chef Boyardee onto Lily's plate or fire up any Marie Callender's sodium pot pies.

Here's some more on that particular issue.  I'm not even going to go back over blogger-corporate relationships.

Do I regret participating in a local event that benefited ConAgra's Child Hunger Ends Here?  Yes on the ConAgra thing, no on the meeting other local people thing.  My money's going directly to Second Harvest Heartland and United Way from here on out.

Fat and unhappy

In other news, I have gained five pounds and I'm almost back at my record high non-pregnant weight.  I've been eating, oh, everything.  And beer... oh, the beer.  So much beer.  It's time to stop.  Good thing September is Abstinence Month for me.  So this month it'll be no bird, no mammal, no alcohol, and no sweets.  I put myself on a strict 1200 calorie diet and I'm back on the Couch to 5K horse.  I'm on Fitocracy (hit me up if you want an invite) and Loseit.  I'm skating once a week and trying to squeeze in yoga and exercise videos when Husband is out of the house.

BREATHE

I discovered yesterday that even though I'm in the most painful throes of allergy season and 99% of the time I can't breathe through the left side of my nose, my sinuses clear out when I'm exercising.  If that isn't the serious motivation I need to get up off my ass, I don't know what is.

I'm currently on Claritin but that's just not working anymore.  I'm going to finish out this bottle like an idiot but until the pills run out or we get a hard frost I'm also forced to take either Benadryl (protip: Sominex is the exact same thing and three times less expensive) plus Afrin or two Sudafed on top of the Claritin.

I'm so going to end up with liver failure.  Haven't turned yellow yet, though.  And I can sort of breathe!

I love my Baron

Another thing I can bitch about today is the anti-Asian scooter sentiment amongst scooter enthusiasts.  The instant you mention you ride a Geely, Linhai, Roketa, Baron, Quinqzi, Kymco, or anything other than an Italian or American brand (except for the revered Honda), they immediately throw their nose into the air and dismiss anything you have to say.  Need a part?  Walk into a bike or scooter shop and see how fast they drawl, "We don't do Chinese scooters here."

Seriously, I just need a lightbulb.

It's extra hilarious considering the GY6 engine that almost every single Asian 125cc or 150cc scooter has are the exact same GY6 engines in Honda scooters that have been made in the exact same factories for decades.

OK, enough bitching for now.

That's a great question

Why do some progressives support Ron Paul even though he is anti-woman, anti-civil rights, and anti-equality?

Holy shit, what the fuck is going on here?

I just didn’t expect the death threats.
Wait a second. Death threats?

They decided I had to die.

I got a death threat.
I got another death threat.
And then I got one telling me that if I went to a popular blogger’s conference in November, they would find me, they would kill me, and they would kill everyone around me.

Please read the whole thing.

By far

The most awesome thing I saw at the State Fair yesterday was an acid washed denim fanny pack.

The rosé at the wine stand was pretty great too.

Fair fair fair

The fair is coming.  The fair is coming.  THE FAIR IS COMING!  Wheeeee!

It's almost time to break out my State Fair Shirt and wallow gleefully through the streets of fried batter and obesity.  I'm not super excited about this year's new food options, except maybe the Jamaican jerk fries, but I am excited about roasted corn, fried green tomatoes, and being able to enjoy a Surly Furious at the fair for the first time.

I'm allowing myself one beer at the fair this year.  And I'm bringing water bottles again.  Nothing eats up the State Fair budget like beer and lemonade.  We'll see if Lily's interested in any of the rides at the Kidway.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I hope she is not.

I'm also not excited about any of the music.  Usually the Leine stage has some good shows but this year is pretty lackluster.  I'd like to see Steely Dan but I agree with Husband -- this is just not the venue.

Expanding the musical repertoire

 Every night that I put Lily to sleep she demands "sing songs!"  Usually by that time of night I lack sufficient brain computational power to come up with more than 2 or 3 songs and their full lyrics.  If she deems a certain song unacceptable she pitches a fit a couple of notes in.  If she likes the song she tries to sing along.  These songs are starting to get old so it's time to make a list of new ones to try.  If anyone has any suggestions I'd love to hear them.

Acceptable songs:

Itsy Bitsy Spider (“Issy Bissy Spire”)

Rock-a-bye Baby (“Rock Baby”)

ABC (“C C C”)

Mama Loves Baby by Solange from Yo Gabba Gabba (“Sunshine!”)

Beautiful Girl by Poe

I Am Weary (Let Me Rest) by the Cox Family

Didn’t Leave Nobody But The Baby from the O Brother, Where Art Thou soundtrack

Down to the River to Pray by Alison Krauss

Virginia by Tori Amos

Wampum Prayer by Tori Amos

My Home Sweet Home from the Final Fantasy V: Dear Friends soundtrack

Don’t Be Afraid to Run by Greg Graffin

Missed the Boat by Modest Mouse

Unacceptable Songs:

Woodstock by CSN

Brian Wilson by Barenaked Ladies

Penny’s Song from the Dr. Horrible soundtrack

Sunshine (Go Away Today) by Jonathan Edwards

Lump by the Presidents of the USA

Songs I May Try:

Sorrow by Bad Religion

Blackbird by the Beatles

Candle in the Wind by Elton John

California Dreamin’ by the Mamas and the Papas

On the Turning Away by Pink Floyd

Life By the Drop by Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble

Santeria by Sublime

Man in the Mirror by CSN

School Blarg

I recently completed my first college course in 12 years.

AWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

But because I'm an idiot I didn't realize that I was supposed to register for my fall semester class BACK IN MAY.  So since I don't have enough time to get my tuition advance from work before next week I'm officially going to be taking this semester off.  Oops. 

Unofficially, though, I've decided to do an algebra self-study.  I have access to my school's math center tutors.  I have to tackle this math aversion head on before I launch myself into an official college algebra course.  Now I just need to stay on track.

Future gossip

Yesterday we made a quick stop at the playground on the way to Dairy Queen.  There was a friendly little girl there who wanted nothing more than to chat with me and help Lily on the equipment.  In the span of about 5 minutes I learned:

• She is 6
• She has a 3-year-old brother
• She goes to that school
• She has 10 uncles
• Her "best uncle" is in jail, but will be getting out around Halloween
• All her uncles are STRONG
• She is going to be a princess for Halloween
• She has a baby doll named Rapunzel and a pile of Barbies that she hasn't named yet
• Her side of the bedroom is full of princess stuff and Michael Jackson posters
• Her favorite singer is something called Little John
• Her other favorite singer is Michael Jackson
• She cried when Michael Jackson died
• Her little brother's stuff is taking over her room
• She lives down the street from the Dairy Queen

This kid is awesome.  I have no idea what her name is.

Foodblogging: Summer Food

OMG you guys, I have so many cherry tomatoes.

I pick about half a pint a day.  Which kind of adds up.  I'm loving it though, because this year's crop is perfectly sweet.  Last year's cherry tomatoes were like a disturbing game of Russian roulette -- is this one going to be wonderfully sweet or face-meltingly bitter?

The garden could use some weeding, but I don't care too much right now.  It's not like I have time. 

Now that we're back from the BWCA I'm supposed to be fully into Deprivation Month, but it hasn't exactly worked out.  I decided to push for a post-State-Fair Deprivation Month and simply cut back on meat to maybe one meal a day.  In September I can be hardcore about it with no meat and no alcohol, and possibly no sweets.  I should try and find a juicer before then.

I'm eating healthier lately.  That is not to say I'm eating healthy, but it has gotten better.  I won't go into the BBQ bacon cheeseburger, fries, and blueberry pie I attacked immediately upon leaving the woods last week (but seriously it was the most glorious cheeseburger I have ever put in my mouth).

Exhibit A:

 

The tomatoes, beets, and green beans were from the garden.  There's also lettuce under there somewhere.  That's balsamic and olive oil drizzled on top.

Exhibit B:

Mashed white and sweet potatoes with tomato gravy (yellow tomatoes from the garden) and baked tofu with Famous Dave's Georgia Mustard sauce.

Please excuse the cat hair.

Yeah, so there's bacon fat in that tomato gravy.  Bacon is still on my acceptable list.

In which we haul our belongings across the waters

Last Friday we and some friends loaded up a couple of canoes and took the long drive up to Grand Marais for a trip to the BWCA.  We didn’t realize that it was the weekend of the North Shore Dragon Boat Festival and we ended up spending too much on motel rooms for the night.  But the motel owner guy was super nice (as they are in that part of the country) and the beds were comfortable.  We grabbed some expensive Summit EPAs at a local rooftop bar and watched the dragon boat teams practice in the bay on the night before we disembarked. 

Bright and early the next morning we headed up the Gunflint Trail to Hungry Jack Outfitters to rent a solo canoe for our odd-numbered group, a couple of sleeping bags, and some other odds and ends.  We shoved off from HJO’s dock and did our first portage to Bearskin Lake.  Husband and I had never portaged before.  I have been camping on the Gunflint, but that always involved driving back into the woods and being able to haul useful things like coolers and boomboxes with you.

Portages are measured in rods, where each rod is 16.5 feet, which is completely nonsensical and useless until you are actually hiking the portage with 85 pounds of gear strapped to your person.  That first portage was around 20 rods and crossed a road and a parking lot.  It had some rocks and roots but was relatively smooth.  Since we had five people and had to haul in all our tents, kitchen gear, food, and clothes, we had to make two trips each at each portage.  I carried the kitchen pack, which was probably around 50 pounds, and our clothes pack, which was around 25 pounds, on the first trip.  Then I went back and got the food pack, which was probably around 70-80 pounds.  I was feeling good and barely broke a sweat.  Bearskin lake was absolutely still and like glass and had the clearest water I have ever seen.  Unfortunately there are a bunch of cabins on that lake that were grandfathered in when the BWCA boundaries were decided, so motors are allowed there.  Douchy McDoucherton was driving his Doucheboat around (Husband has a way with words) while we were paddling to the next portage point to our target, Daniels Lake.

I had checked the weather that morning and it said there was a 30% chance of scattered strong storms in the area.  But the sky was blue and the lake was calm as we started off on the second portage of the day.  This one was 60-some rods and was quite a bit more hilly and rocky than the previous cupcake portage.  The theme of the weekend was "Don’t Get Eaten By A Bear" so we made sure we made a lot of noise along the path as we went.  The first trip down the path was a lot longer than I expected.  I was wearing my steel toe work boots that were nice in that I didn’t turn an ankle or gash myself on the sharp rocks (something that happened to one of our companions last year), but they sucked in that getting back into a canoe absolutely requires you to wade into the water.  I wore my sandals for the remainder of the trip.  By the second trip back and down the trail I was seriously winded and wheezing slightly.

Daniels Lake wasn’t nearly as clear as Bearskin but it was just as calm.  What I wasn’t prepared for was having to use only specific BWCA-designated campsites.  Each campsite has a fire grate and a latrine.  You are absolutely prohibited from creating your own site.  We had decided on a campsite that was marked out on our maps and paddled in that direction hoping that it was empty.  Alas, a couple of canoes came into sight as we rounded the bend.  As we started across the lake to a different campsite, dark clouds started rolling in.  This campsite was... less than ideal.  It was tiny and far away from the water and the latrine was a long, overgrown hike up a hill.  We’re not entirely sure why or how it’s even a “real” campsite.  We got all our packs under a tarp and waited out the storm and listened to the thunder echo through the bluffs.  When the rain died down we sent out a scouting team with a tent to find and claim another campsite. 

Another thing I was not prepared for was the sheer number of people we saw.  Campsites were filled and canoes were everywhere in the BWCA.  Shit is busy.  There is, thankfully, plenty of space on the water but not a ton of places to park your tent.  When I go camping I kind of expect to not see or hear anyone, ever.  I’m told we have to go to Quetico for true isolation in the BWCA.  So I guess we’ll need to work on getting our passports for next year if we go that direction.

The scouting mission was a success.  “If this site is one star,” said our friend, “that one is four.”  We reloaded and paddled to the far side of the lake to spend two blissful days in the sun.  Then we went back to Bearskin and rounded the corner to the 80 rod kill-me-now portage to Duncan Lake.  If Daniels was like a county road, Duncan was like a damn freeway.  The portage was super busy and we had to whisper our plans and hustle to our next campsite before the people behind us go there first (assuming they were trying to camp on Duncan) and get out of the way of the people who were waiting to exit through the portage at the same time.  We ended up on a somewhat high point that overlooked almost the whole lake.  It was there that we had a run-in with a Forest Service ranger with a pierced nose who checked our permits and made sure our latrine was... I don’t know, in working order?  I’m not sure what can really go wrong with a shitter sitting in the open air in the middle of the woods.  Props to the rangers though; they have to paddle in a canoe just like the rest of us.  She told us that the Stairway Portage would be busy that day and reminded us that there shouldn’t be more than 9 people in any given area at any given time.  She also let us know that there may be storms in the area that night.

After we got the tents set up two of our crew stayed behind and the other three of us went across Duncan to the Stairway Portage. It involved paddling back into a windblown tree graveyard area and hiking 90 rods over hills, roots, rocks, and down a ton of stairs.  This is not anything I would ever consider portaging gear and canoes in either direction, though two of our group did it last year.  We chilled out on the shore of Rose Lake for a while before reluctantly heading back up the 90 rods.  By the time we got to the top of the stairs my legs were burning and I was gasping.  I was wearing a dorky fanny pack with a couple pounds of emergency supplies and even that seemed overwhelming by the end.  Carrying 80 pounds of gear up that trail?  I’m usually up for a challenge but this is just not for me.  Unfortunately the wind that was at our tails for the trip over was now a vicious headwind that was whipping up small whitecaps (“think of them as lake kisses!”) and it probably took 3 times the time and effort to get back to our campsite.  Our friend was in the solo canoe and I was seriously concerned for his safety.  We all made it back in time for a delicious dinner of chicken and gravy over English muffins before the sun set and I had a quick swim to cool off after the hard paddle.

We got the promised storm that night and none of us slept very well.  I ended up on a root or rock and our tent was on a barely discernable slope and Husband was up almost all night reading on my Nook with a flashlight.  And it was hot.  So we were all pretty bleary-eyed that next morning as we packed up for the last time.  We were rained on as we made our way back to Hungry Jack but everything cleared up by the time we got to Bearskin.  Thankfully we didn’t have to deal with any wind that morning and all the lakes were like glass again.

All in all the trip was satisfying, if a bit expensive.  The rental sleeping bags were great (super warm and they packed down to nearly nothing) but a bit steep at $6/day each.  Each person had to pay a $16 entry fee.  And gas in a truck hauling hundreds of pounds of gear and a canoe was painful.  But we had a good time -- fish were caught (nothing edible), good food was eaten, much whiskey was drunk, and sun was soaked up.

You drive me crazy, but...

"Now that you're done going potty we're going to wash our hands and then brush our teeth."

"Mmmhmm!"

Lily had just finished a marathon session of sitting on the potty, asking me to read to her, to pour water on her to help her go, wiping, pouring small amounts of pee into the toilet, washing hands, and then starting all over again.  Last night we did the same thing, only perhaps one time around the circuit too few, and she peed in her diaper immediately after finishing the last bedtime story.

We finish our ritual of Lily sort of making an attempt at passing the toothbrush over her teeth but mostly sucking off the training toothpaste, then Lily gets to brush Mama's teeth while Mama brushes Lily's teeth.  I cringe inwardly at the naked toothbrush rummaging around my mouth but I have to do what is necessary to ensure that my child has properly brushed teeth.

"Time for a diaper and some books."

"Yes!"  She scrambles first into her bed, then the rocking chair.  After the requisite three books (Peanut Butter and Jelly, Clifford Takes A Trip, Clifford's Christmas) I pick her up to put her into her bed and endure a barrage of whining for one more book.  "Read!  Read!"

"We only have time for one more short book.  I will read Counting Kisses and that's it."

She picks up Octavius Bloom and the House of Doom, a much longer book.  "Read!  Read!  Reeeeeead!"

"No, Lily, this is the only book I will read right now.  You have to go nigh-night."  She pouts, whines some more, and runs squealing to her bedroom door with her choice of reading material.  I calmly pick her up, put her on my lap, and put Octavius Bloom on the floor.  She continues to whine and squirm.  "Now.  Do you want me to read Counting Kisses?"  She nods, defeated.

She starts off by protesting each page as I gently tickle her squirming body (Ten little kisses on teeny, tiny toes.... Nine laughing kisses on busy, wriggly feet....") but by the time we reach five kisses on a pretty belly button she's giggling with delight.  Finally I lay her down and give her tons of kisses that she playfully tries to dodge by putting her hands in front of her face in mock protest.  I finish by telling her the same thing I tell her every night and saying nigh-night as I leave.

The whining begins anew.  She opens her door, stands at the gate, and whines.  I pick her up, wordlessly deposit her in her bed, and close the door again.  These theatrics are repeated twice.  My mind is on the homework I have to read, the final paper I need to finish by Saturday, the dinner leftovers that need to go into the fridge.

"Poop!" she shouts from the gate.  She calls anything in her diaper "poop".  I'm sure it's a ruse, another one of her stalling tactics, but potty training has been difficult and I know I have to take her to the bathroom when she asks.  She sits on the potty and pees one more time.  I tell her I'm proud of her for telling me that she needed to go potty.  Back to her bed she goes.

Not thirty seconds later she's back at the gate.  "Food!"

It's 8:00 now.  A full hour past bedtime.  She didn't eat much of her dinner because she was busy whining.  I wonder where my cheerful, agreeable daughter from this morning has gone.  I put her back in bed.  "Stay there," I order.  After a quick reheat of the remains of her dinner plate I return, plop the food down in front of her, and sit in the rocking chair to stew.  Soon it's clear that she's not willing to eat at a reasonable pace so I go back to the bed to feed it to her.  I resent having to occasionally hand feed my 2-year-old but I'm desperate for her to go to bed. 

"Yummy.  Meat?" she asks as I pile a cube of tofu into her bird-like mouth. 

"Yes," I say.  Sure, whatever, kid.

"Meat. Good." 

There's still about a quarter left of her dinner of mashed sweet and white potatoes, tomato gravy, and baked tofu with leftover Famous Dave's Georgia Mustard sauce.  "I'm glad you like it.  Thank you."  Another spoonful.

She finishes the last two bites on her own, takes a long drink of water, and immediately lays down.  Now thoroughly irritated on the inside, I bend down to kiss her head one more time.

"Nigh-nigh, Mama."

She always knows just what to say to diffuse me.

"Nigh-night, Lily.  You drive me crazy, but I love you."

How I get through my day

I have a folder in my Firefox bookmarks called "Emergency".  This is where I keep my secret stash of pictures to make me smile.  I will now share them with you.

First, my favorite:

 

Ah, youth.

I don't know either.

 Emergency kittehs

For days when I don't want to go to the gym

 For when end users freak out about stupid shit

 There's some kind of life homily that can follow the viewing of this picture but fuck it -- I just think it's funny.

Babies.  lol.

  What I envision my future to look like

 Oh, you're having trouble logging on to your Hotmail account?

You've just noticed that my socks don't match?

 You're soooo right.  Women totally should be making you sandwiches all the time.

 Awe yeeeeeee

Remember: use these for good, not evil.

Yo Gabba Gabba and/or Target, we need to talk

Lily loves Yo Gabba Gabba.  I mean, really loves it.  Until we introduced her to Blue's Clues and Word World, she wanted to watch it every single day.

Don't give me the mommy stink-eye, either.  We allow her two episodes of any TV show per day while dinner is being prepared.  She wanders in and out of the kitchen and, despite my encouragement, generally has no interest in helping me cook.

We can't find any YGG merchandise anywhere in the Twin Cities.  Not even at Nickelodeon Theme Park Place Thing Of America at the Mall of America (you can find all the Dora/Diego you could ever want there, though).  I'm generally opposed to buying character branded crap but in YGG's case I make an exception (or I would, if I could find it) because I like the people, the production company, and the animators behind the show and would like to support them.  (*Note: I know the Aquabats as a band aren't behind YGG, but Christian Jacobs is the co-creator and there's a ton of Aquabatty stuff in YGG.)

So I heard that Target was going to carry YGG bedding in select stores.  And wouldn't you know it, the downtown Minneapolis Target that I frequent on my lunch hour is in the selection.  Awesome!  Lily could use some new bedding!

So I found it today.  It was a "four pack" of toddler bedding.  Let me tell you what this "four pack" includes:

• A pillowcase
• A fitted sheet
• A flat sheet
• The bag this stuff comes in (?!)

And the price?  $34.99.  THIRTY-FOUR DOLLARS AND NINETY-NINE CENTS.  For toddler bedding.  Not even twin bed sized stuff.  Comforter not included, not that this Target had one anyway.  And calling the bag a part of the set?  Pretty low.  By the way, the toddler blankets are another $15-16 and the twin comforter is another $35.  I saw a couple of cute generic Target sets with comforters and all the goodies on a clearance shelf for $7.  I'm thinking about going back and getting them if they're still there next week.

Now, I know that character licensing can be expensive, but the Dora and Disney Princess toddler sets that actually have a blanket or comforter included are around $37.  Supply and demand be damned, YGG is one of the most popular kids' shows out there.

 

So I pulled one of these and walked away.

I don't care if these sheets are made out of magical pesticide-free organic cotton grown by fairies and transported via unicorn.  I'm not paying $70 to put sheets on my toddler's bed.

And there was pee

For months I've been asking Lily if she wanted to try and go pee and poop in her big girl potty.  Most of the time I get a "uh-uh!"  Sometimes she sits on the potty but demands to be read books and nothing actually gets accomplished.  Last week I went to the library and got three "hey child, you should go potty like these kids" books and we've been reading them every night in addition to the one that she already owns.  I've been able to see the gears clicking away in that little head of hers.

First thing this morning I asked her if she wanted to try her potty again.  She said yes and sat down, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, too sleepy to even ask for a book.  I even ran the water in the sink to set the mood.  I was about to use the "pour warm water on her" trick until I noticed a reflection in her potty.  Could it be?

It wasn't even a little bit.  This child filled the potty halfway with pee.  Aha!  So the trick is to catch her while she's too sleepy to protest!

There was much joyous celebration and hugging and clapping.  I managed to spill some pee on the floor in my excitement to get it over to the big potty.  I helped her to flush the toilet and we both said bye-bye to Lily's potty.

I am relieved.  She is 28 months old now -- right on target.  So far she's hit every milestone right on the nose except for speech, which is coming along very well now.  I printed off a bunch of potty training charts and I'll be taking a trip to the store this afternoon to get some stickers.  I think we'll go shopping for big girl underpants this weekend.  And I'm thinking... cupcakes with brown and yellow frosting to celebrate?

...too much?

I'm resorting to a Friday Five

From Friday5.org:

What is the longest distance you’ve traveled (in one trip) by foot?
I've taken some pretty epic walks but I'm not sure what the longest was.  The hardest was an MS Walk I did a million years ago for work that went from the MN State Capitol to Minnehaha Park, which is around 8 miles or so.  It was in May.  There was sleet and rain.  I had done absolutely no training beforehand.  I was cold and sore for days.

What is the longest trip you’ve taken by car?
My family used to roadtrip every year.  I think the longest distance-wise was the trip alllll the way down I-35 from Minnesota to Mexico.  We went arrowhead hunting in Laredo, visited Nuevo Laredo, and stopped on Galveston Island on the way back.  I've since learned that these days Nuevo Laredo is no place you want to be if you're a Gringo.


We did a lot of trips to Colorado to go camping in the mountains when I was younger.  One epic trip involved going through South Dakota to stop at Mount Rushmore and some crazy human maze, then through to Wyoming to see Devil's Tower, then to Colorado to camp by Pike's Peak, and back home to Minnesota.  Or was it the other way around?  Anyway, when I look at it on the map it was a long-ass trip.

What is the longest trip you’ve taken by plane?
Minnesota to Korea by way of Anchorage. Or maybe Minnesota to Guam by way of LA to Japan to Wake Island.  I'm not sure which trip is longer.

What is the longest trip you’ve taken on some kind of water craft?
Hmm... maybe the water taxi from Ixtapa to Ixtapa Island in Mexico?  It was like 10 minutes.

What is the longest trip you’ve taken aboard a bus or train?
We took the train from Lincoln, NE to Denver, CO.  I LOVE train travel and I think there should be a whole lot more of it in the US.

We don't do a ton of travel these days outside of trips to Duluth and Omaha.  Who can afford it?

Dear karma,

I think I've been a relatively decent human being for a while now.  How about throwing a girl a bone every now and again?  I'm dangerously close to resorting to cynicism.

Sincerely,
PPC

Waiting is the hardest part

But no popcorn

So what have I been doing for the past two weeks?

• Studying
• Worrying about my final project
• Short bursts of Minecraft
• More studying
• Enjoying the heat
• Drama-free roller derby for us retired folks
• A small amount of D&D
• Watching movies
• Not missing cable TV
• Introducing Lily to Blue’s Clues

Not having cable satellite TV has been fantastic.  We don’t have broadcast TV either because I just can’t be arsed to hook up the antennas to the TVs and they don’t work very well anyway since we’re directly under a flight path.  So it’s just us and our Netflix account.  I’ve been getting caught up on some things I’ve been meaning to watch for... well, decades.

Battlestar Galactica

So far we’ve only watched the first part of the miniseries.  I can see myself watching this whole series, but it didn’t hook me emotionally like other shows have (ST:TNG, Primeval, Stargate Universe).

Iron Man 2

Sweet holy cats on a rowboat, I can’t stop being attracted to Robert Downy Jr. in this movie.  I’m not normally a screaming fangirl of his, but the way he plays Tony Stark, a character I’ve always loathed, just gets me all riled up.  It’s that loveable asshole thing again.  The movie itself was pretty good – not great – and I really hope they can talk everyone into a third movie.

Rock-A-Doodle

I had never seen this before.  The animation is absolutely fantastic but it had the typical Don Bluth plot hole problems.

Rubber

Just... go watch this movie.  Everyone.  Tell everyone you know to watch this movie.

The Color of Magic

Another series for us to watch.  The casting for Rincewind and the Tourist was PERFECT.  I’m really excited to keep going with this one.  This was Husband’s first introduction to Discworld.  I’ve read four or five of the books.  Terry Pratchett is a very close second behind Douglas Adams in my mind.

The Business of Being Born

I was pretty sure I was going to do a home birth on the next kid before, but now I can’t imagine doing anything else.  Knowledge is power.

Wallace & Gromit: Loaf and Death

What can I say?  It’s Wallace & Gromit.

Cool World

Seriously, I’ve been meaning to see this movie since it came out.  I loves me some some Ralph Bakshi.  You wanna talk about Wizards?  Fritz the Cat?  Love that stuff.  And then there’s this movie.  Brad Pitt was really young and doing a half-animated-half-live-action movie is hard, but it really could have been better.  Everyone compares this to Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the gold standard of the genre, and Cool World absolutely flops in comparison.  The live-action parts aren’t terrible, especially in the beginning of the movie.  The animated parts are amazing.  But when the two meet it just gets, well, bad.  It really seems like a bunch of important plot points were left out.  Like, why can’t Doodles and Noids have sex?  Where did Whiskers go and why?  What, exactly, did the sex-having do to threaten anything, and how did it tie into the spike?  Where did Jack’s “destiny” come from?  Was this pre-ordained?  Why and how did he become a Doodle and stay that way when Holly couldn’t stay a Noid?  What the fuck?  And why did Frank stay in Cool World?  Why is he a cop?  What would a real gun do to a Doodle anyway, and where did he get it in the first place?  What did he eat in Cool World?  Why was he immortal?  What the fuck?  The end was bad.  Really, really bad.  It helps to know that this movie was originally intended for a much younger audience but underwent a bunch of patchy re-writes.  So it went from serious to bizarre to campy to sexy to confusing to stupid and sappy.

Archer

Yep, this show is as funny as everyone says it is.  I play D&D with a guy who almost exclusively communicates via Archer quotes, so it’s nice to know what the hell he’s talking about sometimes.

Re-watches: Blade Runner, Fooly Cooly, Muppets from Space