I almost deleted this blog out of frustration last night.
Writing the Real Food Boot Camp was an experiment. I have always had a blog for myself and no one else. I never gave a flying fuck whether or not anyone actually read it. I was writing for me so that I can remember things in my life for once since I've been cursed with a broken memory. So writing the RFBC was scary and exciting. I put myself out there and actually reached out to people to try and get them to at least take a look.
A take a look they did. But no one is returning. No added feed subscribers. No return visits. Looking at Google Analytics is difficult and depressing.
So I'm about to say fuck it and move along.
But do I really want to do that? I've had a night to think it over. When I started writing the RFBC I made a conscious decision to ratchet down my usual writing tone. In real life I'm soft-spoken, polite, and reserved. Online I'm raw and angry and coarse and real. I thought that might be a bit much for some people, so I deliberately lost my Internet voice.
I hate myself for this.
I feel hollow and empty when I write this way. It's not who I am and not how I want to be. I need a pressure valve to release the steam of life and my blog has always been that.
So I'll probably rewrite the RFBC posts. I consider what's up now to be a very terrible first draft; more of a long brainstorm session than anything else. And if there's interest via the poll, I'll keep going. If not, I may keep going and I may not.
I need to step back and remember why I started doing this in the first place. I have always had this deep, burning desire to save the world. To make some kind of difference. I get involved in letter writing campaigns and petitions and protests and whatnot not because I believe it will really make any kind of mark on our local, national, and global governments (need dumptrucks full of money to do that), but because it makes me feel like I'm at least trying. If I were to stop then I'd be just another mindless, apathetic American zombie like the majority of people in this country. I can't give up hope.
By the way, and here's my little conspiracy theory, they use television to control you and you let them.
Anyway, the RFBC was my chance to make a dent in society -- however small that particular society may be. I've tried to be a leader in real life and I'm terrible at it. I just can't make people take me seriously in the real world so I have to ooze pathetically into cyberspace and give that a shot. Hasn't worked out well yet but I'm still hopeful.
Blah blah blah, anyway, whatever.
Miscellaneous crap pertaining to the in-between life of an in-between girl called PikaPikaChick.
2 comments:
I found your blog because of this series and have been following along. I read you in a reader while at work. Our filtering is such that I can't click through to comment. Today I just happen to be working from home so I could post a comment.
This is my advice to all of you who take the time to write a blog, do it for you. You need to write in the voice that makes you feel authentic. I appreciate what you are doing but you need to feel satisfied.
Keep at it, old friend! You've ALWAYS had such talent with your words. So many people go through the day to day without an ounce of true enthusiasm for anything. And yet we're a society that so yearns for true passion (in the Americanized sense of the word), that we'll watch garbage like The Jersey Shore just to see some random people take some heart in their daily lives (however sad and misguided that heart may be).
If this blog is something that you enjoy and have "passion" for, then I encourage you to keep at it. Many have found their voice via the written word throughout history, and I'm guessing very few of them made waves in as few as 5 weeks.
Stick with this if it makes you happy, but if not, I know you will find another way to make your voice heard!
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