The silence

I go in cycles of almost-depression.  If I get stressed out I start dwelling on the fact that I have at most a flimsy and tenuous social circle.  I have many acquaintances, but no friends.  I haven't found a group activity of any kind where I fit in.  Blah blah blah, I've been over this before.

So I'm sure I'll find another group to try and wedge myself into (D&D Encounters at a local shop, more than likely), get frustrated because my social anxiety is crippling my ability to act like a normal fucking human being in public, then quit and slink back home again.  And the circle will be complete.

I'm usually a very positive person.  Lately it's been hard to keep this up.  Again.  I feel miserable about the state of my body despite my efforts to exercise and not eat everything I see.  I have had a very short fuse lately and I'm finding it hard to cope with things going on in current events. 

I'm trying not to fall into despair about whales, dolphins, and seals being cruelly slaughtered by bullying assholes.  I've avoided any mention of the flooding in Pakistan.  I can't read anything about the gulf oil spill.

I feel helpless and more than a little angry and bitter at myself for not joining the Peace Corps or something like the Sea Shepherds when I was younger, before I got tied down by a house, marriage, and a child.  I wouldn't trade those things in for anything right now, but I just can't…….do anything about anything right now.