Sure, why not.

I might as well just jump right in here and write something since I had a panic attack completely out of the blue last night for seriously no fucking reason at all and my midwife suggested journaling as a way to release tension and stress I might not even know I'm carrying.

So... panic attacks.  Not so much fun.  It has been probably 3 full years since I last had one and even though last night's episode was fairly mild it still sucked.  A lot.  Thankfully I wasn't so far gone that I couldn't try different coping techniques.  I discovered that lying on my back and attempting guided relaxation meditation was a really terrible idea, because when it feels like you have bees in every single muscle in your body it's not so easy to just focus on breathing.  Being in a completely dark room was good, though, and helped with the sensory overload.  I ended up having to take off all my clothes and just pace around in the dark until I felt like I could move on to something else.  I sat in a really hot shower until there wasn't any hot water left and finally I was exhausted, but OK.

There was absolutely nothing that set this off.  In the past it has always because I was around too many people at once.  Last night I just came home and moved straight to the couch because I was feeling some heavy morning sickness.  I was just laying there with my eyes closed, almost dozing off, when suddenly my legs jerked and I started getting that restless leg syndrome feeling again -- suddenly, like someone had just flipped a switch.  I stood up to try and walk it off but the panic feeling crept up from there.

So that was weird.

I have to day off today for a prenatal appointment and a "24 Week Chat."  It was just me, one other lady, and a midwife and nothing much came of that.  So I decided to have a little me time and go wander around Cost Plus and look at unnecessary consumables and go drive around so I could sing Dr. Horrible songs for a while.  Then I got bored and had to pee anyway and now I'm home.  The end.

In other news, I'm really irritated by the rampant hypocrisy happening on a certain birth month board I visit.  At this point I only go there out of sheer boredom.