My eye is an alien

I don't remember when it first happened this time around, but sometime this weekend I ended up with something in my eye for the second time in two weeks.  After much clawing at it, standing under the shower with my eye pried open, splashing water into it over the sink, using an eye wash cup and saline, and squirting contact lens solution under my eyelid I finally decided that whatever was in there probably wasn't in there anymore and my cornea was scratched.  My whole eye area was swollen, the eyeball itself was fire engine red, leaking like a sieve, and I could barely open it in the light.  Thus I had to wear an eye patch yesterday.  It was pretty hot, let me tell you.  Wait, no, see for yourself:

 Yeah yeah, one of these days I'll get around to plucking those eyebrows.  

Probably right after Lily's college graduation.

Today I am patch-less but not happy.  My eye is sore and feels like an alien embedded in my skull.  Being in the light is very painful.  I'm most annoyed that I can hardly read my book that I've been trying to plow through all week because of the glare coming off the white pages.  If it gets much worse I'm going to have to patch it again and at that point I will become ANGRY PIRATE.