Pity Party

Move along, there's nothing to see here.


I've been in a funk.  My outer shell that I've worked for years on building to a nice, reflective crust, is crumbling.

I've identified the problem: people don't take me seriously.

This has gone on for as long as I can remember.  I don't know if it's my size or gender or race or what the deal is.  Maybe people look at my 5'0.5" self and think, "Aww, she's like a wee fey child.  Surely she has no idea what she's saying."

Maybe they're trying too hard to figure out what race I am, exactly, to pay attention to my words.  "Asian?  Latina?  Eskimo?"

I truly don't believe that everything that comes out of my mouth is stupid.  There are a good number of subjects that I know quite a lot about, or at least enough to have an intelligent conversation about.  But even if I'm asking a question or simply stating my opinion, I basically get ignored or waved off.

By just about everyone. 

Oh yeah, and they look at me like I'm crazy.

A single glaring example: I will email some people about something.  I wait a couple of days, nothing.  Husband will send an email to the exact same people about the exact same thing, and he gets responses almost immediately.

I've given up joining any kind of committee inside or outside of work, because nothing I have ever said or suggested has ever had any impact on anything.

So on top of this funk for which I have no answer, I really looked at myself in the mirror today and I'm absolutely horrified with my body.  I'm a cow.  My knee is back to where I started before PT.  I just got a haircut that I'm unhappy with.

I'm home alone with a sleeping baby with no one to talk to about this and all I want to do is go into the shower and cry.

So I think I will.