Roller derby return?

I used to play roller derby.

I was never terribly good at it.  I tried out because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it and that I could be a part of something.  Something physical.  Something social.  This is scary to me.

I spent a summer training and made it past tryouts.  This was exciting.  Girls were puking during tryouts.  It was the most physically intense three hours I've ever spent and has only been topped (slightly) by labor.

I was drafted by a team that I (at the time) did not care for, mainly because the team's color was pink.  I'm not exactly the pink type.  (I've changed slightly in that regard.)  I ended up loving my team.  So much, in fact, that I got a tattoo incorporating the logo.

Since I was pushing myself anyway I took on a couple of leadership roles.  I know that my brand of humor does not translate well for some people, and I'm pretty sure that's why I was never very good at it.  That and my crippling social anxiety.

That social anxiety also prevented me from forming any relationships with anyone.  I don't make friends well because I don't trust people enough and I'm insecure about myself, especially my stuttering/stammering.  And I'm just a weirdo anyway.  I know I creep people out for some reason.  Haven't quite figured out why yet.

So I was kind of relieved when I got pregnant and couldn't skate anymore.  I didn't have to push myself physically or socially anymore.  I did some bench coaching but it's been a while since I even did that.  I recently cleared out my Facebook friend list of roller derby people because I figured that part of my life was over.

It always stuck in the back of my mind.  Should I go back?  Why should I?  Why shouldn't I?  The baby takes up too much of my time.  Even though she's asleep by the time practice starts.  But Husband has band practice two nights a week.  Then there are the other league obligations like charity work and public appearances.  I've been meaning to try and get out of the house more anyway.

Aside from all those excuses and arguments, there's the little matter of my problems with WFTDA.  Not WFTDA itself per se, but the constant, maddening, increasingly complex rule changes.  Roller derby is a relatively simple sport.  The rulebook shouldn't be more than maybe 10 pages.  When roller derby first started back up in Texas and spread across the country, it attracted people because here was this sport where women were being physical and sexy and fun and there were big hits and fights and the whole thing was intense for the skaters and the spectators.  That was what drew me to it in the first place.  It wasn't like women's hockey (or basketball) where it was almost no contact.  This was a real contact sport for women!

Roller derby has been neutered.  And inevitably some big egos came in and acted shitty, as big egos are wont to do.

But so what?  I never wanted to fight anyone anyway, I just liked it when other people (especially my teammates... especially my captain) did.  And I never did pay much attention to the egos.

Then I get a text saying they need retired and non-skating players for the next bout.  I surprised myself and jumped at the opportunity.  Now I'm considering going back.  Maybe.

Should I?  Shouldn't I?